The Bet (BWWM)

Roller Coaster

Two months have felt like two days and with every second that passes I miss Judah a little less. I credit my miraculous recovery to a few things. Finally opening my bakery, putting work into myself and my therapy sessions, going to therapy with my family and last but certainly not least, dating Leighton. He's no Judah – not even close if I'm honest – but he tries. He's sweet, generous and uncomplicated – just what I need at this point in my life.

At times I catch myself wondering what he gets out of this relationship. We aren't sleeping together and with his looks and money he's not hurting for attention – so what is it? Is he using me? Is he a part of some evil plan of Layla's and she's just been faking making amends? Is he a psycho, grooming me for the kill?

Sometimes my ideas get a little out there until I remember how emotionally unavailable he is and realize exactly what he gets out of this – a connection without the commitment. He told me on our last date that I was the first woman in five years that he'd dated that hadn't been hinting at kids and marriage by date three. I joked that it's because he's super rich – and he is – but he's genuinely a good catch. He's sincere and honest, definitely more upfront than most men even aspire to be and he's not afraid of putting his cards on the table. If there's one thing I love about him it's the fact that I never have to guess about anything, he's blunt as hell. His main focus is on getting richer and staying rich, not bad principles if you ask me.

I find I relate to him in that aspect now more than I ever have.

I had my months of fun, the sex was out of this world, the love, interstellar, but now is my time to focus on the things I really need in my life and that doesn't include love and heartbreak. I've been working on finding my own happiness in therapy and despite how full my life is already with running two businesses, dating Lee, attending several different therapy sessions with family, friends, and by myself, and starting a workout regimen, I've still found time to pick up extra hobbies.

I've thrown myself into learning to make chocolate for the past month and a half and it's been the perfect filler for the nights when I'm left to my own devices. It started the night I smoked weed again for the first time in forever. I was high and in my feelings and had the idea to make white chocolate edibles. Needless to say, they were a failure, but it sparked something in me. From that night on any time I have time to myself I'm either making new treats or binge watching serial killer documentaries. Sometimes I do them both at the same time but that's a recipe for disaster because I either end up burning something or overeating, hence the start of the workout regimen.

I know my sadness about losing Judah is in the back of my head, locked up in a box but I'm keeping it padlocked and throwing so much other shȉt on top of it there's no way it can open itself up again. There's no hope there anyway. Aubrey rode past Jude's place at the end of June and saw him walking out of the complex with boxes, dropping them in the back of a moving truck. He said he was laughing with the guys helping him move and that he looked happy.

I'll admit, hearing Jude was leaving Vegas kind of killed me but it convinced me to gorilla glue that box of feelings I have shut and to let it rot. I shouldn't be surprised he's leaving, he graduated in June so there's nothing holding him here anymore.

Good luck and good riddance, I guess.

I hear my text alert and hang the shirt in my hand up. I only have one more outfit to style and I'm done for the week. I've cut down my styling clients tremendously but funnily enough it's only made me more popular.

Jay brings my cell over to me with a wide grin.

I already know who it's from just by the look on his face. He and Lee are becoming fast friends and he's so happy we've hit it off. He says he's just happy to see me happy but I know he likes the idea of us going on more double dates together as things between him and Aubrey have been heating up. The last one we went on we went bowling and the boys kicked our asses so badly it's a shame.