Above & Beyond ✔

41. Indecision

Blake didn't seem to invest much in decorating his room, making the space look cold and intimidating. His desk was situated behind the door with a bookshelf and a cupboard stood next to it. By the large window glass, two chairs were arranged with a round metal table in between. The window faced the office hallway, allowing people to easily peek inside through the frosted window film. At least there was a door, so people couldn't hear our conversation right now.

Blake didn't waste his time when he bumped into me on the stairs. He asked if we could talk and I knew right away how to spend my next hour.

I sat on the guest chair while he stood by the door as if he wanted to make sure we kept a respectful distance like a student and a professor should. With hands inside his pockets, he eyed me with an expression I couldn't decipher. He was just being Blake. Guarded and unreadable.

"I understand you needed space to think, but it's been two weeks, Jennifer. Don't you think I have a right to know what's going on?"

When I craned my neck to look at him, my chest tightened at the thought of how I'd missed him. I missed his dimpled smile, his laugh, his scent, his touch...and I needed to focus on this conversation.

"Did I do something that upset you? As far as I recall, we both enjoyed our time together that night before you became so closed off in the morning." Blake leaned back on the door. "I started to think that you're regretting what we did."

"No. It's not it." I would've done it again if there was a time machine that sent me back to that new year's eve at the Bailey's. The only thing I would have changed was the part when I overheard his phone call with Daphne.

His eyes turned softer. "Then what is it?"

I shifted in my chair, crossing my legs and then uncrossing them again. I'd been debating for days if I should tell him whatever it was. Would I contradict my own statement about his love life wasn't my business?

"I heard you talking on the phone that morning."

Blake frowned. "A phone call?"

"Yes, the one you had with Daffy." I put stress on her nickname. "You two sounded...I don't know...very close. Closer than you've described during our talk earlier that night. And it bothered me more than I thought it would. I just don't like the feeling."

He knitted his eyebrows. "What did you feel exactly?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, looking him straight in the eyes. I caught his gaze following my arms' movement and lingered on my chest for a few seconds before it shifted back to my eyes. "I don't like the fact that you're still very close to your ex. I'm jealous."

"Oh," he replied, running two fingers over his lips. Did he try to hide a smile? Cocky bastard.

"I know I've said that whatever you had with her wasn't my business. Hooking up should be easy; easy in and easy out. No complications. But when I heard the way you talked to her that morning, a realization dawned on me. I became greedy and I wanted more of you. It was just" —I sigh— "not how I planned it." I felt so naked now that I'd put my cards on the table, and relieved at the same time.

"I don't mind if you get greedy," he said as he walked in my direction before sitting on his desk, still keeping his distance. "I just wish you told me sooner instead of waiting for the whole two weeks. You're killing me, Jennifer."

"I wasn't sure if I should tell you this in the first place."

"Well, I'm glad that you did now." Blake smiled as he fixed his gaze on the door. "And I'm relieved that it's not what I thought it was."