The Theory of Nothing

What is this thing we call Love?

What is this thing we call Love?

I know. This doesn’t have anything to do with science, but it certainly has a lot to do with our survival as a species.

A Lena Horne song suggests the title: What is this thing called love? There are many other songs with a similar title.

We often hear that love makes the world go around, or that love is a many splendored thing, or all you need is love, or the course of love never did run smoothly, or, my favorite, laughter is the way to true love. The word ‘Love’ is used in many songs, poetry and fiction. But, in many cases love is equated to sex. The term ‘love making’ is a euphemistic phrase for sex. But, is love really only sex?

The truth is that love is not sex. Sex is sex. Love is both a feeling and an attitude about another. It’s what attracts us to someone, both emotionally and psychologically. Love can be the prime initiator of sex, but it’s not required. Sex is a biological function that was designed into us to propagate the species. Sex is the result of lust and certainly the end product of sexual arousal. Although two people in love have sex because that’s what comes natural, it’s not necessarily the case in every sex act. Prostitution and forced marriages are examples of where love has nothing to do with sex.

Pornography and eroticism have glamorized the idea of sex for pleasure only, essentially relegating women to the status of a sex object. Pornography has been around for a very long time and was made popular by the ancient Greeks. The word has Greek origins and literally means the graphic depiction of prostitution. These days, pornography has been incorrectly associated with nudity. The depiction of a nude, both female and male, is not pornography unless sex is involved or implied. However, the needless use of female nudity in advertising and male oriented publications had led to the disrespect of women and the degradation of love as a desired emotion. This is a failing of our society, but I seriously doubt it will go away soon because it involves big money and the Internet has made it even more popular and accessible.

True love consists of concern and respect for another. True love places another’s desires and needs above one's own. True love often means sacrifice. It’s what binds us together often for life. It’s hard for us to get a handle on this concept despite the fact that it has been discussed and dissected for a long time. What makes a person truly love another? That’s a good question, but it’s the product of the human desire and need to survive in an otherwise hostile world. In other words love is essential to our species’ survival.

Before the so-called romantic period, marriages were arranged for the most part, and involved a dowry, which is a payment by the bride’s family to the groom’s family. It’s still practiced in some cultures, such as India and North Africa. The bottom line here is that love had nothing to do with marriage in those times. A woman or girl was betrothed to a suitable suitor based on class or status, and parents expected that the marriage would be consummated. That meant that sex was expected to take place in order to produce an heir, hopefully a male heir. Now, I’m sure that the couple enjoyed this consummation, but it had nothing to do with romance and love. This came later when romance began to creep into the culture in literature, art, music and poetry, and much of this involved courtly love, which has its origins in 12th century England. This idea of romantic love exploded over the centuries and became popular in many cultures.

The practice of betrothal, the forerunner of the idea of engagement, afforded certain stability to the process of marriage. Third parties often arranged betrothals in order to control matches between young men and women. In many cases this led to the virtual slavery of women in matches they particularly didn’t want. Up until the advent of women’s rights, women were considered the property of men, i.e. their father and then their husband. Romantic love was not the norm, and women suffered for it. It took a long time for this injustice to be rectified and it still isn’t completely corrected to this day.

In order for love to be right and just, women must be treated the same as men. A marriage must be an equal partnership in which both parties have respect and concern for each other. This is absolutely essential for a successful marriage. This is not what’s happening in modern society. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and many people are forgoing marriage in the first place. This is an alarming trend. As much as people rally against marriage, it’s an essential institution for the continuation of the species. Children must be brought up in a stable situation, and that’s not what’s happening now in many cases. We need to get back on track and realize that we are all human, not segregated as to gender. We, female and male, are the same both in nature and spirit. Why it has taken so long for us to realize this is beyond me.

Thanks for reading.