Alias: I'll let you know when the cops stop sniffing around.

Location: Like a dumpster . . . somewhere . . . searching for old sofas to resell at yard sales. Good income, you know?

Age: Too old for what I'm worth.

Sex: Is how people die. No, really. Anyone who has had sex and died is now . . . dead.

Hobbies: Writing. Dancing. Pondering over life's big questions. Like why there is not an "amn't" and only an "aren't" because it's not right to say "are I not" it's "am I not" duhh.

Extent of my intelligence: I can pretend to be all smarty-pants with regard to fancy words (pinkies out, man) and telling people what they want to hear . . . but let's face it once socially inept always socially inept and once a redneck always inbred. Let's hear it for cheesecake!

once upon a time
in a world stuffed with cheap rhymes
there lived to be a great queen
she resembled a baked bean
that is all.
  • Location:
    2nd star to the 1st and straight on till sober
  • Joined:
    2 years ago

Reading Lists

4 Published Works

Featured work.


Social data: 130 reads. 4 votes. 8 comments.

Description: You love princesses. I love princesses. But do you ever wonder if they love each other? One prince on a mission. One missing damsel who may not exactly be in distress. And five neurotic not-quite princesses that just might drive everyone insane. On...

Other Works by balooba.


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I get it. You're sad with your daily life so you've come onto Wattpad hoping to find your fairytale endi...

The Adventures of Rat Man and Spider Dude

The Adventures of Rat Man and Spider Dude

226 6 7

What happens when a superhero of the BC era teams up with an ambitious super-boy who's missing a few Mar...

How to Shop for Eggs

How to Shop for Eggs

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Lol OK so this wasn't my speed, but even after I clicked play and halfway paid attention while I did other stuff, I still couldn't help but notice the background music. Almost like a dramatic soap opera, it was pretty and sad and made me want to dance, which therefore makes everything better.

But then, most sad music makes me want to dance. And any music in general. So never mind.
getmeoutofthis posted a message to balooba
Ha ha ha.  Whoever had sex and died is still dead, aren't they?  Wrll, at least I amn't.  Not yet.

And yes.  'Amn't' is a proper English word.  It's just not used anymore, ever since the riffraff bastardized it into 'ain't.'

Thought for food!  :-)
balooba commented on Story Improv

Extreme boredom?? And here I thought I was keeping you busy enough, with my wife duty things. But then you probably don't remember that we actually got married in the first place. I dunno. You looked pretty confused after I had you sedated (you just HAD to make a scene right before the reception). I guess that's okay though. We all thought you were quite amusing. Though it's a shame that Aunt Rosalita hasn't talked to us since. Well I really can't say that I blame her; you were ALL over her at dinner!! And you know how much incest is frowned upon these days. But then it IS Aunt Rosalita after all . . . with the *gestures to chest* melons.

Oh wait a second I forgot you're the one who's supposed to do the writing! Hah. You know it's probably not a good idea to give away all of the control like that, cause you never know what kind of ideas are running though people's heads. Especially Aunt Rosalita's.

OK so a One Direction groupie--wait you said no fan fics dammit. But it would've been SO GOOD.

Ah! I've got it! It's a dream I had a few months back that I've always wanted to see reenacted. You should write about secret agents--bear with me--that have an assignment to remove all trailer park swimming pools due to the horrid recurrence of hairy-backed, beer-gutted men who use the kiddie slide. Apparently someone thought that should be illegal.

OH and then there's that other dream I had where some people had dolphin sonar and a label gun and one of them died so the other two who were siblings made a label on the "sonar map" where she died and then they went crazy from the intensity of their sonar. I think they started making labels all over the ocean and I can't remember if sea life started choking on them so they turned to criminals and had to flee from the authorities, or something. I like that idea better. You should write this one.