Welcome to my poorly-assembled profile. I try to write stuff that you shouldn't feel embarrassed to read (because something tells me you don't want your friends to know about your fictional fetish with rich CEOs). Here's some stuff about me!

Alias: I'll let you know when the cops stop sniffing around.

Location: Prison, again. One too many Twinkies can really do a lot to the subconscious.

Age: Too old for what I'm worth.

Sex: Is how people die. No, really. Anyone who has had sex and died is now . . . dead.

Hobbies: Writing. Dancing. Pondering over life's big questions. Like . . . The issue of memory loss, and why it seems to make people. . . Uh. . . 

By the way, if you know anyone who has ever EXPLODED from not peeing . . . let me know please. It's for science, I SWEAR.

Extent of my intelligence: I can pretend to be all smarty-pants with regard to fancy words (pinkies out, man) and telling people what they want to hear . . . but let's face it once socially inept always socially inept and once a redneck always inbred. Let's hear it for cheesecake!

OK so I didn't really tell you anything about me. And you know what that means? I'm a mystery. So by not telling you anything you can assume that I purposely exposed that trait of mine for your personal benefit of KNOWLEDGE. Either that or you can conclude that I'm completely nuts and I should never be allowed access a dating website.

Except for Farmer's Only. Maybe.

And now for a story!

once upon a time
in a world stuffed with cheap rhymes
there lived to be a great queen
she resembled a baked bean
that is all.
  • Location:
    2nd star to the 1st and straight on till sober
  • Joined:
    3 years ago

Reading Lists

4 Published Works

Featured work.


Social data: 169 reads. 4 votes. 8 comments.

Description: You love princesses. I love princesses. But do you ever wonder if they love each other? One prince on a mission. One missing damsel who may not exactly be in distress. And five neurotic not-quite princesses that just might drive everyone insane. On...

Other Works by balooba.


6.8K 353 140

I get it. You're sad with your daily life so you've come onto Wattpad hoping to find your fairytale endi...

The Adventures of Rat Man and Spider Dude

The Adventures of Rat Man and Spider Dude

247 7 7

What happens when a superhero of the BC era teams up with an ambitious super-boy who's missing a few Mar...

How to Shop for Eggs

How to Shop for Eggs

154 11 12

Oh, BUT THE REAL QUESTION is still to come. . . Does each book of 50 Shades of Grey stand on its own? Ehh? Ehhhhh? Any biters?

lol Sorry I had to. Somebody did.

Though I don't think anybody here (the place where authors learn to get better) has read 50 Shades. Probably. I hope. I mean, I had only just read "Twilight fanfiction" and was in and outta that room faster than a college boy on spring break.

Seriously, though, wasn't that made into a trilogy? Can't we just use that as a good example on what not to do, especially after you took the time to emphasize that romance fun at the end.

One day, I would love to see if I could try working on a series. But, then I suppose that would mean I'd have to actually finish a book first. *sigh* Priorities, you know what I mean?

"Girls are like that?"

... How long have you lived on this earth? And you still don't know... Ooh. I've got the story, then! You will learn!

I went to my (I think) friend's house last week to sit there and do NOTHING as she and her boyfriend tickled each other and made these nasty giggling noises (am I not the best friend EVER?). But, like the good person I am, I made sure to get toothpaste on my shirt and frizz my hair a little extra before I got there, and then be just a tad grosser than my usual behavior. Reason was not so that her boyfriend wouldn't find me attractive (they're still in that phase where nobody else in the world will ever be as hot as each other). No, the real deal behind that was for her, so that she wouldn't feel threatened by me and spread all this gossip or backstab me in some other way to make her look like the better catch of the two of us. Most girls are pretty insecure about themselves in general, and I wouldn't put it past about 90% of females (good and bad) out there to do something like that. Don't really know if I'd do that, though. Maybe it's because I'm perfectly aware of what kind of a "catch" I am, and that's something NOBODY should care to compete with lol.

Be learned, young grasshopper! This sort of behavior happens all the time, right beneath your very nose! Try searching it out, and you'll find it.

Maybe I should talk the said girl into watching this anime with me.  I don't really like watching shoujo by myself. I feel some kind of guilty-ness associated with it, for some reason.

I don't think I was prepared for how much gore I really ended up seeing. I think I actually ended up getting kind of queasy from it at first.

But one thing I am sure of now: Never trust ANY girl in anime who comes up to a guy and asks him out first. She is either being coerced into doing so by somebody else, or she plans on eating his brains out. INJUSTICE.

I don't understand the hate people have on this show. Lack of character development? This is ACTION. I mean, I see what they mean. But. but. STILL. The AWESOMENESS. Overrated? Too popular for how good it is? Hm. Have you HEARD of Twilight? 50 Shades of Grey, anybody? You realize how widespread that fame got? The money they ended up raking in.. now THOSE kinds of shows I can understand the hate. But no, I refuse on this.

The only thing I have to complain about is the date of second season. Understand the reason for that, too, but . . . I don't want to wait that long D:

My personal favorite quote so far: "Daru is like the universe, constantly expanding." LOL. Will have to keep watching to see if they can pull off that time-distortion thing well. Kinda picky 'bout those kind of things.

I'm planning to make my stepfather watch this with me. He'll probably have to see it with an English dub though, because he needs glasses to read and I'm pretty sure the subs would be a bit too much for his first anime. But hey I'm just happy I have someone willing to watch it with me! Everyone else just stares at me funny. I don't even wear a white lab coat and talk to myself on my phone, so I don't get the confusion with that. . .