Location:Iloilo , Philippines
Joined:2 years ago
although i find your writing very well put, I have issues regarding your jargon. It seems to ruin the momentum of the story, having words like "decelerate" or "occipital bone" there. It kind of kills the mood and the gravity of the situation, and makes it seem rather inhumane. Also, I do enjoy your choice of words, but I'd suggest toning down the fanciness of the words. Too much special words make the story seem vain and flashy.
All This Time
not sure, tbh. I'd like to go back to it some time later, but not yet