Shadows of the Past
My fingers drummed nervously on the table. I slammed my fist down onto the flat surface, the sound of a...
Hallo! Ja, ich kann klein Deutsche. Okay, so I had to write a little in German. I don't even know if that's right. xD Name: Abby Age: 16 (I still can't drive :3 ) Language: English, but I can understand German to a certain degree Major: English and German Minor: Business College (hopefully): University of Mobile or University of South Alabama Future Job(s): English teacher in Germany, translator for Mercedes, or accounting for Mercedes Why I Love Writing: It's life, simple as that. Okay, so I guess that's it.
I think you have a good start, but my pet peeve is short chapters. So I don't like that aspect. I just think it's stupid and unprofessional because a chapter is like a short story. Maybe, that's just my opinion. Your detail is very well thought out, I just think the dialogue could be a little better. It's flat and just seems ordinary, nothing stands out about it and I found myself skimming over. Which again I normally don't read stories like this, so that could be my bias opinion getting in the way. Overall your grammar was very good, which was a major refresher. I hope I helped a little bit. (:
I think this was a truly nice beginning because it was simple and got to the point. There were hardly any grammatical errors, which was truly refreshing, and I give you props for that. I think you could expand on the cover, but overall it is nice. I also think you could add a little bit more detail, at the beginning you were going strong but then it kind of lagged off. Other than that, nice job!