Hallo! Ja, ich kann klein Deutsche. Okay, so I had to write a little in German. I don't even know if that's right. xD Name: Abby Age: 16 (I still can't drive :3 ) Language: English, but I can understand German to a certain degree Major: Management Minor: Accounting College (hopefully): JSU or University of Alabama Future Job(s): GM of a football team, preferably college Why I Love Writing: It's life, simple as that. Okay, so I guess that's it.
Joined:2 years ago
Description: "The magic wielders of the kingdom had once been a proud and noble group of people, now they were living in hiding because of my bloodline. I only wish I could see my father's face now; he would die before seeing his eldest son and heir fraternizing...
Other Works by INeedMyPurpleBack.
My fingers drummed nervously on the table. I slammed my fist down onto the flat surface, the sound of a...
Hey Abby! Thanks so much for your kind words about "Unlocked" on the "first paragraph" thread! I really liked yours too, so I had to come check out "The Fate of the Forge" :). Also, your username has purple in it, and I can't ever resist purple.
I like the beginning of this. It give you an insight into Charlie's mind and that's not something you often get in a prologue. I think you need to work on some spelling and punctuation, but it's unedited, so. The only big fault I find with this is that you do a lot of telling without showing. It's like...I did this then this then this...etc. Overall, it was a very good start. (:
I would have to say that the prologue is slightly confusing. In the summary, you mention that the story is told from Mary's POV, but the prologue is from Maria. I think it would have been useful to state that the prologue was written from Maria's POV and when, cause we don't know when she died and I suppose that could be useful information. Other than that, this was very well written and I believe that it will be effective. Some prologues just aren't effective at all. Your style of writing is also enjoyable to read. It flows smoothly and very well. So nice start. (: