Status: Updated the analogies in Chapter 1, 5 and 16 for Mosaic. (1 month ago)

DeborahJackson

Name	Deborah Jackson
Location	Ottawa, Ontario
Member Since	Sep 20, 2011
Votes Received	95
Profile Page

A graduate of the University of Ottawa (with a science degree) and The Winghill Writing school, I'm the author or several novels: Ice Tomb, an adult science fiction thriller, and the Time Meddlers series for children, ages 9 – 14: Time Meddlers, Time Meddlers Undercover, and upcoming release Time Meddlers on the Nile. I give school presentations throughout Ontario as well as developing and teaching writing courses at the Shenkman Arts Centre.  Articles and reviews of my books have appeared in The Ottawa Citizen, Children's Literature Review, MORE Magazine, The RT Bookclub Magazine, Canadian Teacher Magazine and many more.

http://www.deborahjackson.net/
http://deborahjackson.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/#!/deborahjackson5

Works

Sinkhole

13 parts / 30 pages, updated Mar 26, 2013

Can the Lords of Death be fooled? “Zotz was a bat, but not just any bat,” said Megan. “He was a vampire bat like those we saw in the cave above. In Mayan legend, he played a par... read more

133 reads

Mosaic

25 parts / 70 pages, updated Mar 19, 2013 PG-13

It wasn’t until Carlos helped me put the pieces back together that I realized how many were missing. Shattered. Tormented. Brain on disconnect. A car accident leaves Erin ... read more

1,020 reads

Mars Maze

5 parts / 9 pages, updated Feb 27, 2013

A short, episodic, tongue-in-cheek story based on the Time Meddlers series. Thirteen-year-old Matt Barnes, while searching for his father, a scientist trapped in quantum foam, ... read more

47 reads

Ice Tomb

33 pages, updated Sep 20, 2011

Deep within the Antarctic Ice Sheet, a hotpot suddenly develops on satellite tracking and the science team sent to investigate disappears. Erica Daniels, an esteemed volcanologist... read more

327 reads

DeborahJackson's Reading ListFavorites

Revenant

151,452 reads

Message Board

YuffieProductio...
1 month ago

@DeborahJackson Okay, sure thing! You'll have to wait until this summer, though. I've got a lot on my plate until I finish this semester of classes.

DeborahJackson
1 month ago

@YuffieProductions Actually, any feedback is welcome on Mosaic. Andrea had some good points in Chapter Two and I'd like to clean up a few things before I send it on. At least if there's some agreement in critique comments it emphasizes points I need to address. My other material is finished and published, and I haven't started anything new yet. Thanks for the offer. It's great to get some thoughts rather than none at all :)

YuffieProductio...
1 month ago

Hey, Deborah! Would you still like me to critique mosaic or would you like me to take a look at something else? Since it seems you're going to wait on an editor before making drastic changes, so I wouldn't want to waste your time with feedback you won't use.

xIrishDaydreame...
1 month ago

You're more than welcome. Grey's Anatomy wins over hockey every time. I mean Dr. Avery, Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Sloane...not much competition really. :D I'm up to chapter five now on Mosaic, and you're right about the flashbacks. Reader's catch on the more they read,so I can see why you wouldn't want to change it or make it too obvious. Personally, I found the fog in the vampire diaries corny too as much as I love the show. The books are another story,but the show itself is entertaining. I have loads to work on with writing at the moment,so the next review might be a little slower coming to you. This is proving to really helpful, so thanks.

xIrishDaydreame...
2 months ago

I'll give more specific examples for chapter two, just as you did with chapter one for me. Hopefully, that should clarify what I meant in chapter one. I'll get to it tomorrow. My mind is flowing with ideas for chapter one rewrite of dreams. I can't wait to get started. I love the idea of walking through the ghost town. Thanks.

DeborahJackson
2 months ago

Hey there. I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate the reads, but I'd also like feedback. And I don't mean just positive comments. Please rip Mosaic apart! Any issues that stand out? Anything regarding the characters that annoys? Any language problems--particularly voice? Is it confusing in any way? This is the first time I've attempted an unusual project like this and I'm not sure if it works. Also, let me know if you  want feedback. I'm trying to catch up on reading, but if someone wants a critique or to exchange ideas, please let me know :)

DeborahJackson
2 months ago

@YuffieProductions You're welcome. Prologues are discouraged for regular novels, but fantasies sometimes need them. Martin didn't use one, but he has a cast of characters laid out at the beginning, maps etc. to help clarify. It still gets confusing with all the "houses" but for the most part you start to get a feel for the world because he jumps around to various characters and settings and introduces the hierarchy pretty quickly.

Another way to get around infodump is to introduce a conversation about the political situation, that sounds natural, or have Takara think about it in terms of what getting linked with the Seraph and preparing for battle means to her. Her thoughts can drift to the situation, but it has to seem natural--she could even be contemplating the situation in her secret garden.

Just some thoughts. Good luck with your midterms.

YuffieProductio...
2 months ago

Thank you so, so much for the feedback on the other chapters of VEN! Really, made my day. 

Agh, the world building has given me a permanent migraine. I completely understand it's rushed and not well-explained, and a few others have stated that as well. There are just so many pieces going into the situation--political, religious, the Seraphs, the threat of war and the breaking of the treaty, and finally Takara's place in all this with her inability to sync with Ven. I really couldn't figure out how to talk about all that without majorly info-dumping, so I just glazed over everything and gave a brief overview. I see that was a bad choice. But your idea of a prologue-type chapter might work. I was always wary of prologues since most writers discourage them, but I'll try to figure something out. The fighting hasn't actually started, so a battle wouldn't work, so I'll have to come up with some other way to lay out the entire situation and world clearly. 

Thanks again! I really appreciate it, and I'll do my best to critique some of Mosaic soon (once my midterms are over).

YuffieProductio...
2 months ago

@DeborahJackson Oh, cool! I'll have to reread from the start then. I'm excited to get started on it again. :)

DeborahJackson
2 months ago

@YuffieProductions You're welcome. Hope  it helped. A great start; I really think the chapter hangs together well. And a fascinating concept, too. 

Yeah, I'm back at Mosaic. I've finally done a complete rewrite and it may seem a bit odd--more odd than it was--but I've based the structure on theme. But I need to know if it's too confusing. The Carlos chapters are meant to ground the reader and tie things back together. Hope it works :)

show more (31)

Followers (28)