About

Anna Erishkigal is an attorney who writes fantasy fiction under a pen-name so her colleagues don't question whether her legal pleadings are fantasy fiction as well. Much of law, it turns out, -is- fantasy fiction. Lawyers just prefer to call it 'zealously representing your client.'
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Seeing the dark underbelly of life makes for some interesting fictional characters. The kind you either want to incarcerate, or run home and write about. In fiction, you can fudge facts without worrying too much about the truth. In legal pleadings, if your client lies to you, you look stupid in front of the judge.
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At least in fiction, if a character becomes troublesome, you can always kill them off.
  • Location:
    Cape Cod, MA
  • Joined:
    2 years ago

Reading Lists


5 Published Works

Featured work.

Man Out of Time - A Captain America/Avengers Fanfiction

Social data: 5K reads. 222 votes. 28 comments.

Description:


Other Works by AnnaErishkigal.
Agents of Ki

Agents of Ki

740 10 0

The Chosen One

The Chosen One

2.2K 113 13

A tiny Mesopotamian town becomes ground-zero for this fantasy fiction retelling of mankind's most epic s...

A Gothic Christmas Angel (A Children of the Fallen Novella)

A Gothic Christmas Angel (A Children of the Fallen Novella)

456 34 38

The Chosen One - second part of story

The Chosen One - second part of story

381 16 2

This is the second half of Sword of the Gods: The Chosen One. WattPad has a 100 chapter limit so I had...



AnnaErishkigal
The fact I'm confused who the protagonist is, is indicative of the problem, which is that I'm not sure whose head I'm in when your Chapter 1 begins.  Hope that makes sense?

Play with your POV and pick what works for YOU..  There is no 'right' way to do it, only techniques which will dictate how you write the story from here so it's better to figure out which feels more natural for you to write before you get too far into the story as it's a pain-in-the-neck to go back and change 20 chapters later.

[*trust me ... I've done that :-P *]


AnnaErishkigal
I'll comment since @caelicorn tagged me.  

Your prologue appears to be your entrance point for how your protagonist ended up in this program some skip-period in time later, so I would say it's relevant.  I like prologues.  Most people hate them.  I am biased in their favor.  But... I would suggest you start us right out in Mason's head.  The omniscient POV didn't work for me.  I want to feel Mason's pain as they drill into his head.

Okay ... criticisms (since caliecorn tagged me).  I enjoy this concept of a dystopia.  There is a bit of distance between me and your protagonist, though.  Will this be YA?  

You start us out with 'finger' and then it's hard to tell where we are.  This is very jarring.  You want to give us the setting as quickly as possible.  'Your finger' is okay as an opener, but then you want to give your reader three things:

Person + Setting + Problem ... as quickly as possible.  Until you do, your reader is floating and has no investment in your story.

Once you get to the main story, though you are now in your POV characters head, I noticed you use 'I thought' 'I noticed' 'I saw' etc a lot.  Whenever you are writing from a first person POV, you don't think that you see, you just SEE.  You don't recognize that you recognize.  Your character just glances over and notices something which they describe.  Does this make sense?  You want to go through (on your edit ... don't worry about the first draft) and try to weed out as many of those I think/I feel/I notice/I recognize type words and JUST DO IT.

Distancing way:

"Medical advancement," I questioned, brow furrowing.

Closer way:

"Medical advancement?" My brow furrowed together in concentration as I examined the strange equipment.

[*If I'm in your head, I don't think I'm questioning, I just start doing what I usually do when I'm confused or curious, which is look closer and start poking*]