About

A bit of inspiration:

1. For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

2. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

3. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8

4. For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men. Mark 7:8


20, Proud Christan, Aim High- Fly-Fight-Win- US Air Force, America Is My Life, Europe Has Stolen My Heart

My Italiana- @SaraIzzie
My Cousin- @Remebrance_911

Writing is a way of life for me. It's a passion to create another life that I can escape into when nothing is going right. My anger, happiness, worry, sadness, recklessness — all of it is passed on through the tips of my fingers to create the characters you grow to love.



“Brilliant.”
The signature, tantalizing smile alights on his lips and bewildered, I stare back up at him. “What?” I ask finally.
“It’s nothing,” he replies softly. “You like to talk.”
“Would you rather I stop talking?”
It is then that I realize how much closer he is than before. How I didn’t reach this conclusion before escapes my grasp. Mind searching frantically about what he is doing, it falls on only one conclusion.
It couldn’t be.
His eyes flicker from my eyes, his lips stalling just above mine as he breathes in a barely audible voice, “I don’t think you can.”

~Island of Kalio - Chapter Sixteen


"When Jesus is all you have, then you have all you'll ever need."


"But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?" ~ Mark Twain


"Prayer is the most powerful conversation you can ever have. Because you are talking to the God of all other Gods. The Father of Jesus Christ."


"When I say... 'I am a Christian,' I'm not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are too visible but God believes I'm worth it. When I say...'I am a Christian,' I do not wish to judge. I have no authority. I only know I'm loved." ~ Maya Angelou
  • Location:
    Αmεrιcα
  • Joined:
    4 years ago

Reading Lists


5 Published Works

Featured work.

Inexplicably Tied

Social data: 5.5K reads. 209 votes. 242 comments.

Description: "...the lights have been cut and the killer stalks his prey in the cover of darkness... No one knows whether or not the two are still alive..." Engaged to be married in two days, the billionaire couple Isabelle and Kade have their fair share of arg...


Other Works by 23_cherry_23.
Island Of Kalio ©

Island Of Kalio ©

2.7K 127 276

Having never seen him so angry, I'd never thought he'd result in hurting me, but I may have underestimat...

Murdering Perfection

Murdering Perfection

570 49 62

- The night of my birth should have been the night of my death. My first breath of air should have been...

Insurrection

Insurrection

1.8K 76 103

After a childhood memory scars the consciousness of two young kids, nothing will ever be the same. Only...

The Millennium

The Millennium

420 16 33

"I am by no means perfect; nor is the world in which I live in. The sin nature is burning deep within me...



23_cherry_23
Alright, now I know this seems like a lot of criticism, and I’m sure you about hate me right now, but don’t misinterpret anything I said to mean that you did not have a good story. But I’m sure this isn’t the final copy. I didn’t start editing my first book until it was completely written. That way everything was still fresh and I wasn’t worrying about how it flowed. 
      
      However, since you asked, I have done my best to find things for you to work on. Three things that will sum up a lot of my points: 
      
      Detail what needs to be detailed, simplify what needs to be simplified. Meaning the first sentence should be less detailed and the note finding needs a lot more back story.
      When you start describing something, don’t change mid-thought. Write out those tangents. They make for a very unnecessary read. 
      Give the character more characteristics. How old is he? What’s his hair color? Is he short or tall? Not only those, but make him more intelligent, show us what he’s like. He’s not very resourceful because you, the author, are handing him everything. Let him find his own things.
      
      You have a good plot here, you just need to fix up the details and slow the story. It’s been two and half pages and he found a dead body? Slow it down. Way down.
      
      Xoxo Gossip Girl <3


23_cherry_23
The papers. I understand you want them to be significant, but to me they’re still just papers. You haven’t told me enough back story for me to get excited about them. I know the character’s name, he’s in some kind of junk yard, he has a dog. I know he’s also living after the third world war. These are all the real facts I have about the story. Other than what the glass is like and that he hurt himself, I don’t really know anything enough yet to get excited over paper.
      
      The tangent about his younger self is only partially necessary. Most readers will assume that your character can do this since typical young people can. 
      
      You’re good with going off on tangents. Find some way to tone that down. We want the story, but not with a million little side stories wrapped in it. I understand that it may be your way of giving the characters more depth, but it’s very distracting to read. Think about when you’re listening to someone tell you a story, verbally. Say a girl friend of yours is talking about her dog running away, but all of a sudden, before she gets to the point, she goes off on how adorable her dog is and this one time she and he dog raced to the end of the street to get the mail and she tripped and her dog… you get the point? It’s annoying. 
      
      Where on earth did the husky come from? I thought he hadn’t found him yet.
      
      I will tell you this as best I can: Don’t ever put an asterisk next to a word for the reader to find at the bottom of the page or end of the chapter. This is your story. Your science fiction world. You must find a way to incorporate it into your story.  Can you imagine reading the Harry Potter series and every unknown, made-up word you came across had an asterisk next to it? Or even the Hunger Games series? Or how about Lord of the Rings? I can’t emphasize this enough: You must explain as you go. You’re the writer, you know everything about his world. Now you need to tell us, the readers.


23_cherry_23
-So the way the glass is made up seems important to you. As far as I can tell, it’s very much so not the ‘modern-day’ glass we know. Although it makes for a good detail, do you really need an entire paragraph to explain it? If so, I suggest breaking the paragraph into two. The first describing layer one and the second describing layer two.
      
      -Okay, here’s the car. You already mentioned it was the driver’s side window, writing it again makes it redundant. 
      
      Try not to use ‘so he’ so much! 
      
      Typically when characters think in novels, it’s not quoted, it’s italicized
      
      Also, the small tangent about the seat covers, completely unnecessary. It may be better to either end the paragraph after ‘disaster on his forehead’ or ‘any of the seat covers.’
      
      Alright… slow down. He was looking for cloth, used paper instead, and suddenly it’s a huge part of the story? You have to give it more depth than that. You’re rushing what is so far a good start to a story. Pace yourself. Think of what you need to detail and what you don’t. Simply saying, “He checked all over the car before finally finding used paper to relieve him of the blood,” is enough. And to be honest, I don’t understand why his clothes aren’t sufficient enough to wipe the blood away? I think he has more concerns to worry about than a little blood on his shirt. 
      
      Also, it seems all too convenient that he finds all of these things along with it. A gun, a medical kit? You would think, if he had found those things, it would get him much more excited. And in doing that, you need to make the findings of these things with a lot more emotion, instead of just rattling them off on a list. Which, by the way, lists shouldn’t be used in novels unless spoken or read by a character. 
      
      The cinnamon story… another unneeded tangent


23_cherry_23
As promised, I’m reading through your story. My first comment is right off, the very first sentence. It’s too detailed for something that should reel the reader in. Either cut it into two sentences, or shorten it. Such as 
      
      “Walking across a pile of bald tires, leather seats, and other car parts, Xé stared through the fog across a half-missing, crooked bridge that looked a miracle that it could stand.” 
      
      Even in my example, there is still so much detailed crammed into one sentence. You have at least five in one sentence. A piece of advice I received from an agent was forget trying to make it fancy with words, there’s time for that later. 
      
      -I want to say that should be *get stuck in the rubble
      
      -I don’t understand your sentence “with random piece replaced by empty space.”
      
      -“So he licked them” sounds strange, maybe you can rephrase that? Or maybe “so he licked them then tried to whistle”
      
      
      -I’m not a fan of using parenthesis to describe what something is. In my opinion, it’s a bad reflection on the author not knowing how to incorporate a detail into a story. You could always try:
      
      He tried to whistle again, taking a step forward, but tripped over some lime wire. The lime wire, a tough string made from lime peel and iron shavings, was an improvisation of a trip wire during the third world war. The trip resulted in him cracking the driver side window with his forehead.”
      
      It makes it flow better by breaking the sentence on. You don’t need so many words in a sentence. You have to get a good variety of short, medium, and long sentences. Use the long ones sparingly so that it doesn’t sound to overly done. Also, you write “the driver side window” implying a specific car. I don’t remember you mentioning a specific car, or a car at all. You mentioned car parts, however. I suggest you either state there is a car, or change the ‘the’ to an ‘a’.