This is very good. Now because th story line is so interesting, I will have to go and the read the other 20 parts =D
U told me to read ur stuff and i read all of ur stuff and this iz my FAVORITE i love all of ur stuff keep writing!!!
lolol I know right! never give up on writing even though people barely read it xD
Great beginging! But i agree with the others check i first. But a brilliant piece of writing.
great but u should read it over and put commas and periods and stuff where they need to go.
You should work on grammer and things like that, but other than that, it was very good. Great job.
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