The numbers should be written as twelve instead of 12 in a story. It's a bit cliché, but otherwise, I find it fine :)
@ayeesha98 Thanks for not going ape-shit on me, LOL my friend uses that word all the time. This is the first time someone else has used that word!
I love reading this. It's cliche but in a good way, I like cliche story. I love reading this. I feel like I'm in the story.
Finally. Someone who can actually puncuate the dialauge correctly. Bravo, i really enjoyed reading this :D
I loved the description and detail, although this is a cliche story I liked your own twist on it. Voted!
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