WOW thats amazing. the description is so clear and the first paragraph just pulls you in. Excellent. Voted!
Great so far !! But yeah a tiny bit more description and dividing paragraphs better would top it off perfectly :) Voted
I like that it's descriptive, but probably you should divide the paragraphs instead of big blocks. But it's interesting and keep it up! :))
very descriptive!!! i love this storyline! a great way to end the chapter, nice cliffhanger!!!!!
Really nice description, it was pretty good, quite a few grammar errors here and there. Overall it was good :)
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