Opening up the Bottle (on Hold)

4 Part Story 734 Reads 25 Votes
totallycwazie By totallycwazie Updated 2 years ago
We all have those intimate thoughts that we keep bottled up. Some interesting, some not so much. Now you get to know what is squirming in the heads of Ella, Ridley, Lex, and Sam. Four of the most highly trained spies on the planet. Get to know life from their point of view, while at the same time joining them on their first real mission. With so many messed up kids, their thoughts might be funny, interesting, or just plain scary.
Although I'm no editor I found this chapter amazing without needing revising thumbs up. :L
realityxfantasy realityxfantasy 3 years ago
This chapter was awesome :) Your grammar was great and I love your characters' spunk!
speshalk speshalk 3 years ago
I liked this :) Really good start - maybe you could put more space between your paragraphs, it makes it easier on the eyes - but apart from that this is really good! keep it up :D
realityxfantasy realityxfantasy 3 years ago
A unique story idea and this was pretty well written although you have a few grammatical errors. I would've liked this to be longer, but you still did a good job.
MonsterHospital MonsterHospital 3 years ago
Umm..on the very first paragraph on page 1...the dialogue never ended...

By the way, you did a great job writing third person ;) 

Voted
callumbradbury101 callumbradbury101 4 years ago
Maybe spread your paragraphs out a tiny bit, so its easier to read. but its good