The story really pulls me in and I feel like I'm in the story myself. The plots perfect. I can't wait for more.
look at all the speech espesially on the first page there needs to be a comma after one person speaks thats what i meant
i really like how you wrote this up and the beginning =) its well written and enjoyable to read =P voted!
Intense and Intriguing. You have taken care of small mannerisms which just adds an aura to the loveliness of the entire story. Par excellence :):)
Such a great beginning to a story you have wriiten it really well it flows nicely I will be reading more adding to my libary!
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