very cool idea :) just some cleaning up, grammar and stuff and it should be great! i really like the idea.
its a good start. love the Inheritence cycle and i'm sure i'm going to love this too. voted!
Good beginning, just need to straighten out the creases and it should be perfect :D love the idea and it's very original xx
Love the simple texture to this story.. it catches your attention :)
Nicely done, fellow writer :)
it's fantastic :D damn ! I'm speechless xD keep it up and I'm excited to know how the story ends :0
the flow is good, but the dialogues are quite confusing. how about try to put some commas then d character's expression or the one who delivers d line.
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