Very good start, very hooking. I couldn't see any major mistakes.
Good job, keep it up.
Great start, I couldn't find any major mistakes. You draw the reader in and keep them hooked. Great work, keep it up.
She has a point. Sometimes all you're ever going to be to them is a friend. -reads more-
Wow, this had some really good advice in it! I love the idea of the Scarlet Lotus! Where did you come up with the idea and the advice?
wow. that was some sick stuff. i mean not sick like bad. but deep. imma keep reading this. -adds it to my reading list-
I like your idea, although it's not my type of story it's still good! Great style and very original. (:
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