A war story
A story of pain and suffering
A story of a soldier
I love the phrase 'his lilps dry as tinder' - it conjures up a great image. I can almost feel the dry lips...
But one thing struck me as slightly odd - is the phrase 'he didn't want to argue about being jammy or not' something that would have been used in 1903?
The descriptions were beautiful, wow! And I don't think the paragraphs are too big, in published stories, a paragraph can be almost a page 0.o Brilliant work, and the story is also quite interesting!
wow this got me hooked i love the descriptions and its actually pretty new from what i usually read
This was fantastic! It grabbed my attention from the beginning, and because you described everything so well I didn't get lost anywhere (which happens with me sometimes :P). Really great, I hope you keep on writing! ^0^
Great intro. It was extremely descriptive. From someone scanning's point of view, you might want to click the enter button a few more times. I liked how you left a lot hanging, so we would be intrigued to read on.
Good writing, I like it so far :D
you have amazing descriptions, and even though yeah you had some spelling issues it didnt take me away from the story :D pretty short chapter, but i am diffinitly drawn to the struggles :)