This has some good potential! Try to look through it again, there are some grammar errors that can be fixed, but good job. :)
I like this so far, small spelling error and grammatical problems but would love to read more!
I do like your story so far. You are a good writter besides the fact you made a few spelling mistakes. I'll keep reading, post soon(:
some spelling mistake, like "earlyer" should be "earlier", but other than that pretty good
It was good post more asap(:. and if you can you should use microsoft and copy and paste it on here
Add to your private library
My LibraryAdd this story to your public reading lists