Don't Look Down

2 Part Story 76 Reads 8 Votes
MeganChristine1 By MeganChristine1 Updated 3 years ago
Trey Is My Bestfriend And I Would Do Anything For Him. Even Go To Florida To Meet His Parents For The Whole Summer. While We're There, We Come Across An Adventure That Could Save The World. We Could Help Stop Sir Hamelton From Blowing Up Earth. But, It's Not Easy, Nor Is It A Short Trip. We Could Get Hurt Or Even Worse, Die.
flightless95 flightless95 3 years ago
@MeganChristine1 Like when you said 'but, let's get back to the crash.' Just little things like that.  Try using other types of 'diversions' to keep the flow of the story.
flightless95 flightless95 3 years ago
So I liked this chapter *voted* but there is one thing that is a bit sketchy for me. The technique you use for flowing needs a little tweeking, but other than that, good job!
JaimeNC JaimeNC 3 years ago
Hmmm, interesting first chapter. You kept me interested and feeling sorry for how her family was. Just a little pet peeve that's nagging at me "ok" should either be "OK" or "okay" sorry :p But other than the minor grammatical things I think your story and writing style have good potential C: