There is a few errors, you have added words that don't there. other then that good start
lOVE IT:) Very creative and what i love to read all times:) This story made my msg board:) True Fan here! Return the love is all i ask;)
This was great, but you could have been a bit more descriptive :D Wonderful job! :D It kept the readers interested :)
You have a brilliant writing style and i really love this. I want to learn more about the characters so i'll read on.
No grammer mistakes that I saw! Thats more then I can do! :P I love your writing style, and your plot line. It's really good!
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