Critiquing Services R Us *Closed*

I just want everyone to know that I am wading through these requests now. I have slowly made my way to the second page. sorry for how long I am taking!

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I hope you read my stories, but if you don't, it's completely fine:)

Bailee Roberts is a pretty, rich, happy-go-lucky, down-to-earth kind of girl. Then came the day she was caught in a horrible situation. She comes to school with scars and bruises all over her once beautiful face and body. She becomes an outsider, where she discovers how it feels to be alone. Truthfully, she's not totally alone. She still has her best friends, Annie and Jasper, with her, and this boy she met at some hotel on a vacation.

How far will Bailee go to get his attention?

Enrolled in an International Boarding School in America, Julian Rios, a Hispanic daredevil, easily snatches the attention of all the girls he talks to. With his style and swagger, who could resist?

Allison Shaw, half-Filipina, half-American, is on her second year in the school. She is a complete badass yet straight A student, just like Julian.

The school has finally allowed the students to make and join clubs, and for some idiotic reason, someone decided to start The Kissing Club, a club for experienced kissers, and not-so-experienced kissers. Neither Julian nor Allison plan on joining the club, but will their friends be able to compel them in? But in the end, they both discover something that would break them, and their relationship.

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Link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1611536-all-the-wrong-reasons

My story is a novel-in-progress. What I really want is someone to tell me what works and what doesn't work so far. It's only two chapters but there might be more by the time you get to mine. Thank you so much.

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Could you please read mine and tell me what you thought. its called http://www.wattpad.com/story/1549011-six-layers-of-hell Meet James Denton. He is soon going to die and wake up in the afterlife, but not all is what was predicted. There is no Heaven, there is no Hell, these are just terms to describe what the world could be depending on what humanity will choose. Welcome to New Earth

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Mine isn't too graphic! Thanks so much for doing this, it's so awesome! My story is entitled "The Memoir Man", and I would prefer if you read all of it, but only if you have the time! Thanks again!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/918337-the-memoir-man

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@IxJustxLaugh do you do BoyxBoys? well if you do, here's mine:) chapters 1-8 are done, and the rest I am expanding but I should have them done before you read them:) here's the link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1286510-grandmama%27s-mansion-massive-editing-will-be-done-6 (It's semi-graphic, but it has a purpose)

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@IxJustxLaugh Hello, do you have something of yours you would like me to read in return? I'm happy to. I would so appreciate your opinion and critique on my novel, Burning Wood, It is NOT a teen/fan-fiction. There are five chapters but they're all very short. I appreciate that you have a lot of books to get through so I can be patient. Thank you!

Grace Day is an astrophysicist, a lonely astrophysicist. But has she found an improbable love that can change everything for the better, or will desire set them both ablaze? Grace and the multimillionaire biochemist, Jonathan Marcello, must fight for their life together and face Michael, the psychopathic murderer with a penchant for vengeance. Can Grace and Jonathan resolve the problems that arise? Or will their lives go up in flames, like a forest fire, a burning wood.

Click on the cover

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Hi I'm new and I just started writing my first piec EVER . I would be overly happy if someone were read it and give their critiq. So far , i only have the first chapter down , but it would mean alot to me. Its titled "Set Me Free". Please and Thankss(:

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@IxJustxLaugh

I'd love your opinion on my story so far. It's only 5 parts at the moment.

Thank you!!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1579710-bets-and-fairytale-endings

Addison Parker was a dreamer. She dreamed of traveling the world, becoming a famous writer, marrying a hunky rockstar. The usual dreams of the average teenage girl. But mostly, mostly she dreamed of finding her one perfect love. Someone who would love her in spite of her (in her own opinion) many flaws. Who would make her feel like the most beautiful, treasured, loved girl in the world. And she refuses to settle for anything less.

Jacob Stone is far from a dreamer. He gave up on his dreams a long time ago, when his dad walked out and left his mother struggling to raise 3 boys on her own. Jacob put his own dreams aside to help his mother out as much as he can. He refuses to believe in happy endings and fairytale love. After all, his parents are a prime example of just how miserable love makes you. When the "it" boy of the school bets Jacob $5,000 that he can't get the so-called "ice queen" Addison to fall for him by graduation, Jacob jumps at the chance to make some easy money for his family. But Addison is not at all what he expected, and she may be just what he needs to start believing in happy endings again.

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@Nazaro boyxboy is my favorite :D

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@Gemmallama Hmm if you could read my boyxboy http://www.wattpad.com/story/1522981-those-bloody-tears that would be lovely

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@Im_puertohaitian I will when I get the chance. It may be just a little while

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@ashesnoel No problem I'll try my best to get to it soon, but it may be awhile

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/1650770-my-dear-little-sister

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@IxJustxLaugh http://www.wattpad.com/story/1622011-love-me Shaniece, "Niecie" for short, was abused by her first boyfriend when she was just 16. She killed him to save her life and later found out she was pregnant with his child. Six years later she is a single mother trying to provide for her daughter, when she meets a man. Forever scarred, How can she love again, when she isn't sure what love is?

http://www.wattpad.com/5214802-the-deadwood-enemies-chapter-1 action packed. vampires. fae and witches.

plz read and comment and maybe vote!!

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@sareinadeadwood Will do my best to get to it

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okie dokie thx! @IxJustxLaugh

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@sareinadeadwood No problem :]

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{Romance}{Mystery}{Fantasy}

Love Surrounded by Darkness "Why won't you just admit it Miyla? You love me!" I look nervously between Bathlazar, Terrence, and Mikhail. It was time to stop hiding. I cannot run anymore. No matter who heard I had to say it. Out loud. And get this heavy burden off my chest. "It's true," I say confidently "I did love him, and...I still do"

http://www.wattpad.com/story/889780-love-surrounded-by-darkness

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/1409718-blue-moon

Jaiden gray is just an average teenager until a strange encounter with a terrifying stranger turns his world upside down. He begins to experience a change which no ordinary teenager should ever have to endure. He hopes to be able to control the new change with the help of the unusual school taker and alluring new girl River Davis with a secret of her own. As well as keeping track with his grades, his transition, his high-maintance girlfriend, and dealing with his uncontrollable crush for the new girl, he must save the town from the growing army planning to take over, but will he be able to take on one of the Shadow Worlds most feared villain or will he give in to temptation

I would really appriciate it if you could read the whole story so far and let me know what you think. But if you read a few chapters in and find its not something your interested in or enjoy thats fine. Please be as honest as you can. Thanks. (:

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I'd appreciate it if you could read the whole thing of both, but I understand if you wouldn't be able to. :)

^^CLICKTOREAD^^

Descrip-> The Activity: A group of post-apocalyptic Activists who are more concerned about saving plants than the human race. Their leader, Dr. Taft, has created a group of super-powered Certified Freaks to keep the human population at an all-time low so they'll all fit inside the bubble of the Norme and use up only a certain amount of water and oxygen per year. Everyone is under Taft's spell - that is, everyone except for Zevlin Cruz, the Freak that Keturah meets when she gets kidnapped and taken to the Holding Center.

Once they escape from both the Holding Center and the biodome, they meet the Outsiders - the people that have been thriving off of nature for years, oblivious to the society that has developed without them. Among them is the islander Kedar that introduces them to others like them who've escaped. Join them as they form an alliance, making a pact that they will work together to free the people who are still trapped.

* * * ^^CLICKTOREAD^^

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Thanks!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1528052-project-popularity

Luke Archer and Summer Merrick have been the It-Couple at Roseville High. When Luke breaks up with Summer at the beginning of senior year, Summer reveals that she has been cheating on Luke with Paul Walden, Luke’s best friend. Angry and betrayed, Luke decides to get revenge, and he enlists the help of Jamie Vandeviere, a girl who has always been invisible to the popular crowd. Their goal is to transform Jamie into the most popular girl at school and take down Summer’s position as Queen Bee. However, being popular turns out to be a lot more difficult than what Jamie had in mind. What exactly has she gotten herself into?

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/853975-2313-a-d

It's only one chapter!

The year is 2313 A.D. and 14-year-old Avery Schultz has escaped the war-stricken United States for a new life in Germany. Everything seems safe for now, but can young Avery learn to cope with the memories she's tried so hard to forget? Or can some thing's be too traumatizing to leave behind? Meanwhile, the Prirodan Military reigns control over half the world, terrorizing gays, lesbians, other religions, and anything else that's condemned in their "Book of Love."

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SHORT STORY entered for Watty Awards 2012 so comments & votes are appreciated :)

You know that girl you called fat? She’s been starving herself for God knows how long.

You know that chick you called emo? She’s been battling depression for years.

You know that gal you bullied and whenever she would cry you would say “Aww is little Missy going to go cry to her mommy and daddy?” Her parents died a couple years ago and she’s still grieving their death.

The tiniest thing can hurt a person beyond words, but it can also shed light to a dark tunnel. This is Missy Vega’s story about loss, hurt, betrayal and hope.

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