Will critique. when i mean critique i mean hard and honest ones. Its free babe. [Closed]

@LiamPeel done critiquing! check your comments love!

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@DrewAltheo Please? :D

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1251791-the-lost-dreamer-watty-awards-2012

When fifteen-year-old Eden Paris discovers that not only is she not human but rather, a descendant of gods and angels, a demiangel, she is plunged into the world of the Ethereal Society, a society of the higher half-bloods. Eden is determined to sever herself from the world she thought only existed in books and fairytales but it seems that the only way to get out of the mess her Scent caused her was to tie herself to the handsome yet intolerable and haughty young William Sage as his Consor, a warrior sworn by blood and soul to protect his other to death.

Something stirs outside of the protective barrier of the Sanctuary. More and more demiangels have been reported kidnapped and hadn't been discovered nor heard from anyone. When Eden learns that her best friend is in grave danger, she is drawn deeper into the secrets of the Hidden World.

In this adventure packed novel, Eden learns that some things are rather much better off hidden under the covers of her books.

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The story is about this kid that is about 17 and his race has populated much of the galaxys planets that can support life. Their tech is also very very very good. His race has recently found a new planet that can support life and has asked a group of scientist and crew to take a spaceship and explore the planet before it is inhabited. So the kids dad is one of the top scientist chosen to explore this planet and the dad wanted his son to experience this with him and show him whats its like to be a scientist since that is the career the dad wanted his son to get into. so the kid goes along with his father and once they reach the planet they notice their is no sign of inteligent life (what they were hoping on finding). All there was was just wildlife. When they land on this planet they land on the artic tundra part on what would be the north part of the planet. When everyone else is busy the kid decides to go exploring so he gets off of the ship and walks around on the snow and ice. While he is walking he hits a pocket in the snow and falls into an ice cave beneath the ice. When he is in there he finds a frozen body of what looks like a girl but its a species he has never seen before. Soon after he is rescued out of the ice he tells the others what he has found and they dig the girl out and unfreeze her and are able to turn her body back 'on' with their tech. when the girl awakens she becomes really frightened because she has no idea where she is. They begin asking her questions once they find out that there is no language barrier. She answers none of them and keeps asking where she is and wanting to be let go. Giving up they let her be in her own room locked in there. The kid who found her sneaks in and answered her questions about who they were.

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I ran out of room to finish this... The kid then asks her what happened to her and all she remembered was falling and then she asks where is everybody and why the kids kind was on her world, earth. The kid then tells his dad what she has told him and at first his dad is mad that he spoke with her but then begins to question what happened to the population on this planet....so then the story goes one trying to figure out what has happened to the human race and why they can not find a trace of proving that they were even there

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@DrewAltheo http://www.wattpad.com/story/1362495-something-special I think it's shit. I just want to see your opinion. =)))))))))

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/1382245-socials @DrewAltheo

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@DrewAltheo...Hi there! Your opening post is pretty scary for novices like myself lol, but critiquing is the only to improve. I write mainly short stories of different genres. Here are a few of them, along with their genre, so that you can decide which you would like to read. Thanks and enjoy! :)

Romance: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1366620-the-trouble-with-faye

Mystery: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1311096-the-truth-shall-set-us-free

Other: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1283595-the-legend-of-three-castle-manor

Romance: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1279720-third-time-lucky (Watty Awards 2012)

Spiritual: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1434332-conversation-with-dad-my-angel-in-heaven

Historical: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1472734-on-the-wings-of-time

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Hey! I would love to hear your opinion on my story! :D http://www.wattpad.com/story/1181008-fearless

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Thanks!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1232793-when-realms-collide

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hi can you critique mine? I need some serious feedback because I feel that my story is not as good as it could be and readers always just so, "so good" or "cool", nothing serious, you know? http://www.wattpad.com/story/1250007-related-to-the-carrot-king-a-one-direction-fan

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Hey. I know I'm not exactly the best or worst, I just know that I'm missing something. Can you please tell me what is is by reading one of my stories. Title: I fell in love with someone who doesn't exist...What now?

. My name is Cory Frap, and I'm 6'7'' at age 16. Weird name? I know, but you can't blame me for having it. I have dark brown hair with a bit of red hair here and there, but it's natural. My eyes are a sweet caramel color. I'm also freakishly tall for my age, and I feel so out of place like a giant at an elf factory. No one really talks to me so I'm a loner at school which is great from time to time, but I honestly get a little lonely.......Well, whatever! I'm gonna restart everything when we move!

Little did he know he would fall in love, but she's not exactly........how should I put this? She's not alive? Yes, she's a wicked cool ghost that happens to have died in the basement of his new house. Fun, warm, and toasty good ole home has a bit of a twist for the loner of a teenager, huh?

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Please, and thanks!

http://www.wattpad.com/4997703-the-weapon-chapter-1

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@DrewAltheo

http://www.wattpad.com/5058636-straight-in-a-crooked-world

please me honest

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@DrewAltheo Thanks in advance :) http://www.wattpad.com/4829926-breathe-watty-awards-2012-hold-on

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Please critique mine too ! :)

http://www.wattpad.com/4955896-impossible-love-chapter-one

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/1442035-full

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Show no mercy...

http://www.wattpad.com/4759743-the-lying-gameThe%20Lying%20Game

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@DrewAltheo Thanks in advance!! http://www.wattpad.com/story/1263377-the-six-swans-retelling-of-the-grimm%27s-fairy-tale

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@DrewAltheo Would love it if you do mine. Please do the first chapter and not the prologue if you are going to do just one. Otherwise i insist you read both. http://www.wattpad.com/3928047-god%27s-play-descent-of-the-gods Thank you!

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WOW HEY GUYS! I am going to read a ton of your stories. So can i ask whoever wants a critique after this post please ask me when im done with the stories before this post? Thanks! I might critique all of these stuff tomorrow! Please be patient in getting your critiques cuz some first chapters are really long heh and i take awhile to read them cause i wanna make sure that i critique something helpful! Love you babes!

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@DrewAltheo

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@DrewAltheo hi! I know its me again. thanks for your criticism. well, i edited it and can you please look at my story again? did i improve? hopefully i improved.

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1450935-heart-bond

thanks :))

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@DrewAltheo

http://www.wattpad.com/5058636-straight-in-a-crooked-world

In a world where the population is prominently gay, three teenagers need to face the problems associated with their sexuality, heterosexual. This is just the first chapter, the second chapter will be updated tomorrow, and contiguously after.

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@DrewAltheo Hey! :) Here's the link to my story: http://www.wattpad.com/1921349-the-dragon-tattoo Summary: Carra. A normal sixteen-to be year old girl. With the hormones and all. Imagine her shock when her typical normal life goes downhill. Let me rephrase- undergoes major alterations (which she REALLY doesn't need. Or want.) Because soon to be sixteen year old girls don't control the "fire" element now,do they? And they don't uncover intriguing lands? Or perhaps, a particular land called "Pyropia". With a sardonic boy who goes all out to irritate you to death. Oh,and a geek with onion breath. And braces. And specs. And oh!,puberty voice. Things are not looking up. And they get only worse when Carra discovers that it is up to her to fulfill prophecy and save this mysterious place. From a HOT,basses evil villain who wants her to join his troop. AND promises her that she'll finally be able to meet her parents,when all these almost-sixteen years she had thought they were dead corpses. Things suck for her right now. But will she cave into the alluring promises of darkness? Or will she stand up and save the world? The choice is hers. But,one choice decides the future of the world. Thank-you!

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/1271361-mute

Thank you so much in advance : )

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