Lillypop's Free, Advanced Critiques!...CLOSED
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lillypop992
Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months agoI will read and critique these genres:
☸ Fantasy
☸Adventure
☸Science Fiction
☸Horror
☸Paranormal
☸Thriller
I Might Critique : Romance and Fan-fic but ONLY if the other main genre is one from ABOVE
Please Do Not Post : - Teen Fiction, Vampire, Poetry, Werewolf or High School Romances... As I will not read them and it will be a waste of your time posting them.
If your unsure whether your story would appeal to me, then feel free to post it and I will decide whether I want to read and comment on it or not. Please do not be offended if I don't as I am very picky and I will only read something I like the look of. Either way, I will message you back to let you know.
Please only post the Title, Description, GENRE(s) and Link of your story. I will ignore you if you put the cover, unless your book sounds really interesting, then I will reply to you comment, requesting you to remove the image of your cover. And I will ignore you if you only put the link or do not put the genres.
If I like the look of your book I will put it in my list of books waiting to be read (under this post), I will only be reading and critiquing 10 books. Please only post one book, if you post more than one I will ignore your request, I'm doing this for free so don't be greedy. I will critique ONE chapter, if you do not specify which chapter you want critique on, I will automatically do your first chapter or prologue.
My critiquing can be hard, but if that's the case it will always give you ways to improve, i won't be mean just for the sake of it. Please put EricTheLizard in your request so that I know you have read this, failure to do so will mean your request is ignored.
Now please give me some good books to read and critique =)
PS. I am doing an English and Creative Writing degree so I know my stuff and I do nit-pick.
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lillypop992Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months ago
@JoeTite @Paperblossom @LanePrevallet @Emily_Wilkinson @FenrisWolf @rhea-qua-nicotine @JordayDawn @CrazyStraz13 @Demoiselle_dragonfly @vitamin_water @JDmichael @Sodaapop @iheartfood
As promised, this is your chance to get in on my new thread. My intro has changed slightly, so please read it over CAREFULLY and check that your story still fits in with my specifications... I hope you have better luck at getting in this time.
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JordayDawn
Joined: 2012-07-13Posts: 8489 months agoTitle; Love is in the attic. Genre; Horror. Description; Haley Kynee is a happy 23 year old girl who lives in Australia with her husband Kaden. Her life is perfect except for one thing- her parents. Her parents are rich and they try to control every aspect of their daughters life, they never approved of her marriage to Kaden. One day when her parents come to visit her in Australia they ask her to come back to California with them for her sister Kate's wedding. Kaden hates the idea and tells her not to go but she does anyway. Kaden will do anything to get her back to Australia even if it means hurting her and he wont stop until she is back with him. Link; http://www.wattpad.com/story/1712990-love-is-in-the-attic Could you please look at my sixth chapter? :) EricTheLizard
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Captain_Dred
Joined: 2012-07-25Posts: 2359 months agohttp://www.wattpad.com/story/1798180-six-layers-of-hell Could you please look at my first chapter but also just read the draft prolouge for character details thank you
Meet James Denton. He's about to die and wake up in the afterlife. But not all is what was predicted. there is no heaven, nor Hell, there is ony what humanity makes it. But what's been chosen must be discovered by yourself. Welcome to New Earth.
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kianna_22
Joined: 2012-07-15Posts: 2739 months agohttp://www.wattpad.com/story/1692830-where-the-rain-falls At a young age Rain always had a strange bond with the element water. She needed it, she craved it, she loved it and most importantly she could control it. But things aren’t as black and white as they seem. She has people out to get her, people obsessed, crazed and in lust with her and the power she controls. She’s not alone though, her four best-friends; Kali, Leslie, Buffy and Aporia also have a secret. Will that little secret have the power to destroy everything and anything she’s ever known and loved or will that be evil’s job?
MAIN- Fantasy; Adventure
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JoeTite
Joined: 2010-12-09Posts: 6949 months ago@lillypop992 I don't know why but I never see you tag me in my news feeds lol...
OUT OF TIME: SCI-FI/TIME TRAVEL (with a twist):
Michael Hallick has an obsession. It is consuming his every waking hour and robbing his children of having real parents. Michael knows this is a problem but was certain success was right around the corner and would make it all worth while. He never imagined that succeeding would cost him and his family even more...
http://www.wattpad.com/story/1466600-out-of-time-edit-pending
I wouldn't choose the first chapter... but I don't know which to pick either (I don't want to send you into the middle/end of the story lol) so -=shrug=- I guess chapter one it is... I'm just hoping you decide it's good enough to read more sometime?
EricTheLizard (I swear I read it all last time lol)
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NagainaFier
Joined: 2012-05-18Posts: 1189 months agoI have a thick skin. Have Eric the Lizard rip it to shreds for me.
Title:Forsaken
Genre:Horror/Romance (I use the term romance loosely)
Description: A zombie apocalypse is something often joked about but for Carrie and Nikolai it's a bitter reality. After six brutal years, the undead started to outnumber the living long ago. Thinking they are alone, depression sets in, and their sanity is questionable at best. On the verge of suicide, Nikolai puts his plans on hold when he stumble across Carrie, and decides to take her to one of the military run 'colonies'; the only zones safe from the infection. Both have their own battles to fight if they plan on getting any sort of peace, and it's not just the zombies they'll have to face.
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gucciCheffone
Joined: 2011-11-02Posts: 28979 months ago -
CeeBella
Joined: 2012-06-08Posts: 28819 months ago@lillypop992 Can you please read my prologue? I need opinions on my second one because I just rewrote it into third person. I have kept both up so people can compare and tell me which is better because one of them has to go!
Title: Cinderella's Revenge
Genres: Adventure/Romance
Link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1582412-cinderella%27s-revenge
Description: Her parents were both assassinated,
Her aunt only wanted her money,
Zarah treated her like a slave,
Maia could do nothing to stop it,
Jonathan was supposed to be the one.
13 years on and Vivian is no longer the person she was then and this is her story about love and betrayal.
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intoxicatedheartx
Joined: 2012-05-18Posts: 1009 months agoHey, id appreciate it if you could critique my story. No rush though. Thank you :) Here's mine. - Ash
EricTheLizard
Jinxed
Jens Bronte -popularly known as Jinx due to her horrible, never ending bad luck- is daring and playful, and one day decides to pay the old, abandoned, Mortem Street a creepy, night-time visit. When her best friend, Scarlett, brings along their attractive and handsome friend, Jinx is more determined than ever to remain unafraid and bold.
The trio set out on a spooky adventure into an old mansion, with an Ouija board, and end up awakening something unpleasant from its deep slumber - and it is not happy. Finding themselves in a dangerous and deadly situation, the three of them attempt to make their way out ... hopefully, alive.
Genre: Paranormal/Horror
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FangKillerXP
Joined: 2011-02-24Posts: 3809 months agohttp://www.wattpad.com/1259288-betrayed
Teen/ Adventure
Find out what really happened. Alex Johnson has been living an average life while coping with his father's death years ago. A traumatic memory. But for the first time, things start looking up, Alex has met the girl of his dreams. But things go downhill from there, he learns his mother has lost custody over him and he will be orphaned. Among this chaos, Alex finds a clue concerning his father's work and death. With nothing to lose, Alex leaves the life he has known and leaves to find the truth of his father's death
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lillypop992Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months ago
@JordayDawn you have the first spot on my waiting list
@JoeTite you are second, I'm glad you got in this time, you were so nice in my last thread lol
@NagainaFier you are in the third spot
@intoxicatedheartx you are in the fourth spot
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lillypop992Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months ago
@Captain_Dred @kianna_22 @JustDRINKsomeTEA @CeeBella @FangKillerXP Heyah, sorry guys, but you all missed something out of your applications. Read through my intro again and then get back to me underneath this comment if you are still interested. Please make sure you reply under this comment as if you simply change your original application I will not know when it happened and therefore which spot you get on my waiting list.
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lillypop992Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months ago
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Nicker14
Joined: 2011-05-28Posts: 3779 months agoTitle: The Silvery Slayers
Description:
The Land Between the Lake. Peaceful and without worry. Nothing interesting happens very often, and the animals wish for it to stay that way.
But one year, the lake is at it's normal height. After the lake thawed and snow melted, a path of sand straight to the island is availible for short time. The creatures could go visit! But none ever thought that something could visit them.
A wolf pack has finally decided to use this path with the promise of easy prey. And when a deer's bones are found clean from flesh, the creatures panic.
Will they somehow chase the wolves away? Adapt to a new life? Or will they all perish at the fangs of these silvery slayers?
Genres: Adventure, I wasn't sure what other genre I could put it in.
Link: http://www.wattpad.com/5092095-the-silvery-slayers-the-land-between-the-lake
@lillypop992 If you like animals I think you'll like it! And I'd like a review on the first chapter :)
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lillypop992Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months ago
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vitamin_water
Joined: 2011-08-06Posts: 2889 months agoOf The Sea
Adventure/Teen fiction
http://www.wattpad.com/story/1485131-of-the-sea
Cora's father was an excellent story- teller. He would talk about whole other universes, where mystical creatures lived. He was so excellent she had suggested on more than one occasion he should become a professional story-teller. Her father would always smile knowingly and say that these stories were only for her ears, because she's his special daughter. But she never really realized how serious he was about that. And then the dreaded happened, Cora grew up. She grew up, leaving her life of fantasy adventures behind. She called it her second life but little did she know her third and most important life would begin at her father's funeral.
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lillypop992Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months ago
@vitamin_water you have missed something out of your application...you're the 7th to have done it, but there is still time to redeem yourself if you want a critique... re-read my intro
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intoxicatedheartxJoined: 2012-05-18Posts: 1009 months ago
@lillypop992 Thank you :) -Ash
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vitamin_waterJoined: 2011-08-06Posts: 2889 months ago
Of The Sea
Adventure/Teen fiction
http://www.wattpad.com/story/1485131-of-the-sea
Cora's father was an excellent story- teller. He would talk about whole other universes, where mystical creatures lived. He was so excellent she had suggested on more than one occasion he should become a professional story-teller. Her father would always smile knowingly and say that these stories were only for her ears, because she's his special daughter. But she never really realized how serious he was about that. And then the dreaded happened, Cora grew up. She grew up, leaving her life of fantasy adventures behind. She called it her second life but little did she know her third and most important life would begin at her father's funeral.
EricTheLizard (whoops)
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lillypop992Joined: 2011-05-01Posts: 5829 months ago
@vitamin_water lol you get the 5th place... twice you forgot!...anyway, any specific chapter you want critiquing, or is the first good for you?
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vitamin_waterJoined: 2011-08-06Posts: 2889 months ago
@lillypop992 Hahah I wanted to get a spot this time! Um the latest one (8) if thats okay? :)
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xXYouOnlyLiveOnceXx
Joined: 2012-07-24Posts: 5569 months agoTitle: Alter
Description: As soon as Lisa bought the first edition of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, her life started changing. Each morning she would awake to find things in her apartment, whether they were jewels or bank notes, without remembering what had happened the night before.
Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Paranormal
Link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1750127-alter-ego-%C2%A9-watty-awards-2012
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DeathNoteNinja
Joined: 2012-04-05Posts: 4269 months agoTitle: The Chance
Description: In a society that accepts nothing less than utter perfection lives Consolae Jaksonis, a girl who is anything but. Shunned by her peers who were all bred for specific talents, she's gotten used to walking alone...For no one's ever dared to follow.
...Until now.
Genre: Dystopian/Sci-Fi
Link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1271236-the-chance
*EricTheLizard
And I did read the description...I suppose I just skipped over that part. I'm sorry.
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