Honest opinions on your stories (CLOSED)

Hey guys, just post your story below and I will read it and give you my honest opinion on it and any corrections I think you should make:) Please no Fan-Fictions or Vampire/werewolf stuff.

and also, would you guys mind checking out my new story? it's short, but it would be much appreciated if you could comment or vote on mine as well:D thanks guys x http://www.wattpad.com/story/1282622-hidden-identity

Or my other two: HP fanfiction: http://www.wattpad.com/story/896714-never-ending-surprises-marauders-era-love-story Picking up the pieces: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1440776-picking-up-the-pieces

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http://www.wattpad.com/story/1025369-knowing-you%27re-there Knowing You're There: Although Lia is blind, she has the fantasy of finding the perfect guy, just like everyone else, along with becoming a rock star drummer. However, she has always been the outcast in school. When she meets Kurt Hines, all her dreams start coming true, one at a time.

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@rainandhotchocolate

The Legend of Irene

http://www.wattpad.com/1350339-the-legend-of-irene-prologue-opening-the-door-to

Nine years ago Irene and her mother fled from their home planet of Majestic to escape King Tory and his evil deeds. They sought Earth as their home. Now it is present day and King Tory has finally found them. He succeeds in kidnapping Irene's mother. Instead of killing her as he originally planned, Tory decides to humor Irene. Instead of a fight, Irene gets the biggest bargain of her life. This surprises Irene as she was expecting a big fight. She accepts her father's challenge thinking it would be easy to complete. However, little does she know how hard it will be........

Thanks for reading!

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@dreamsmadereal I'll check it out now! :)

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@sgeunqk Hey! Your story has a really good story line and it is something really unique, I haven't seen this idea around before:) You might want to have a double check on some of your grammar, it seems like you might be writing a little fast and not always checking back haha. I really can't wait for the next chapter though! Keep writing <3

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@rainandhotchocolate oh ok thanks

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@rainandhotchocolate Thank you! :)

More Than a Crush

“I never really understood why he hated me ever since I blurted out that I liked him.”

Yes, that was what Rachel Falls had in mind when her more-than-a-crush and undoubtedly best friend, Rylance Hansen, left her — and not just her, but the town in particular — in anger when they were freshmen just one week before summer kicked in. She means, was it really bad to admit your feelings to someone you knew since kindergarten? She didn’t think so, but Rylance thought otherwise.

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@SubwayStars Hey! You story was great! Though I am very glad there is a spin off as I personally hate those stories haha, I read them and get into them and then they end. One thing would maybe try and provoke a bit more emotion to the reader. When a story is that short it needs to be a little bit more dramatic (I'm not saying your story line wasn't dramatic because believe me, it was, just the way you write how the characters feel). I can't wait to read the spin off! x

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@rainandhotchocolate Thank you so, so much for your input! I really, really greatly appreciate it! :)

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@SubwayStars haha I'm happy to help! would you mind checking out my story? that would be really great:) x http://www.wattpad.com/story/1282622-hidden-identity

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@dreamsmadereal Hey! wow, that is a really cute story:) haha I loved the idea of it and your writing is really well done! There were a few minor grammar things, but they can be easily overlooked:) great story x

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@rainandhotchocolate

Can you check mine as well? I have three at the moment so take your pick.. Thanks! :)

Ongoing:

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1264157-i%27m-in-love-with-non-existent-persons

Have you ever been in love? I mean really really in love? I bet that's a yes. Our female protagonist, Rose, is also in love with different people but the problem is she's in love with people who don't exist! Follow Rose's story as she hallucinate, over react and do all sorts of things because of her forever unrequited love for boys of rpgs and Anime series.

Completed:

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1235438-one-shot-my-bitter-sweet-fiend

Everything is complicated when a guy is unpredictable and flirty and you're a conservative person

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1181719-more-than-pretending

Amanda Watts is a girl who thought everything was perfect her family, boyfriend and practically her life but everything changed. Nothing was the same anymore. As a person she love left, another came into her life but what if the person she loved came back? What would she do?

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Hey....its a teen fiction/ romance

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1145452-only-you

Description- Rebecca Thomas is new in town.She is cute,sweet and shy and hates being the centre of attention. Everything seems fine before she starts her new school. She has never had a boyfriend and has never been kissed. She believes in fairy tale romances and hopes that she will find her prince charming soon. Noah James is a popular jock and has a reputation of a player is West High School. When Rebecca and Noah cross paths her life takes an unusual turn. She makes a mistake by falling in love only to have her heart broken. She does everything to make him happy even if it hurts her .Can Noah ever realise what he means to her? Or she will always be just a friend to him? Will Noah and Rebecca ever be together?

I hope you like it

Thank you :)

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Ever had Ramen Noodles for an entire month? Lilly Fenster has and she's tired of it. Which is why she ends up managing the fashion industry's hottest Brazilian model. Lucky her right? Not really. Lilly can't stand the intolerable Joshua Lachowski . Heck, she can't even pronounce his last name much less manage his professional life. What happens when the nerd enters the fashion world and meets the biggest jerk imaginable? Mayhem, quesadillas, and love. That's what.

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1285863-sugar-babe

Please check it out? :) @rainandhotchocolate

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Good girl Anna Ramirez just wants to escape her life of gang rivalry.Where you have to be careful what colors you wear,who you associate with,and where you live because of getting shot.She's pretty good at keeping her personal life away from her private school,which she attends on a scholarship.When she gets paired up with the arrogant jerk from the school and is forced to work with him OUTSIDE of school,just how will she prevent from him finding out her well kept secret. Rich boy Evan Andrews was the arrogant jerk of the school.Infamously known for breaking girls hearts,stealing other guys girlfriends to later dump them himself.Once he gets paired up with Anna,and has to work with her outside of school,he begins to see there is more to her then meets the eye

http://www.wattpad.com/3354526-love-and-gangs-first-day

I'm new and I edited some.Please I need an honest opinion on this to know if I should continue,fix,or rewrite ect.

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http://www.wattpad.com/mystories its called I love you Cally gordon! I really hope you like it!

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@aarti_athavle Hey! you have a great writing technique and you are really able to capture an audience:) I loved your storyline and it was, even though the same basis as a lot of stories around, unique in its on way and I really can't wait for the next chapter! but (sorry haha), grammar!! I think you might rush your work without checking over it haha. I few times you used 'u' instead of you, and you may need to make sure you use fullstops and commas. Also, I found that sometimes you were rushing a bit in your writing. Slow down! Just enjoy writing it, people don't mind the wait (as long s it doesn't take months haha), but try describing the somethings a little more and maybe go into emotions a bit more:P Keep on writing! <3

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@Menmma Hey! I read your story, Bitter Sweet Fiend:) And I must say I love the title! haha it was a really good story, I was reading it all through class today, I couldn't stop! I much preferred the first ending, but maybe you could have continued it slightly? Anyway haha, some of your sentences didn't quite flow correctly and there were some spelling errors, some which made some of the writing a little confusing. But other then that, really good job! I absolutely loved it

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@rainandhotchocolate wow.. O.O Thank you! Yeah, I kinda made it a habit to put bad endings on the end.. Lol, I really don't know why.. I'll try to improve my sentences though and triple check the spelling errors next time. Sorry for confusing you though.. Thanks again! <3

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@rainandhotchocolate I haven't written much, but I also just started.. I have my first chapter, but I'd love some feedback so I can improve! thanks! http://www.wattpad.com/story/1285992-what-if-i-stay

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@Menmma haha That's ok:) I love correcting work >_< I know, I'm strange haha, by any chance would you check out my story though? thanks:D

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@aarti_athavle @beautifullybroken138 @kileykerr @Justcantgetenough @WeAreAHurricane Ok, I will check yours out now! sorry it's taken so long, school does seem to take up too much of my life

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sorry, Not @aarti_athavle haha already seen yours:)

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@WeAreAHurricane Hey! wow! haha this is a really good story:) I love how unpredictable it is and I absolutely love Johnny haha;) I am genuinely surprised other people haven't found this yet! Though, if I am going to be really picky (which I have a bad habit of being) there were a few minor spelling mistakes and missing capitols, not that much though. And also, I noticed you changed Lanning to Lenning at one point... though that might be a different character I'm not sure haha. But seriously, that is going on my reading list:) x

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@Justcantgetenough Hey! You have a great story line going there, I can't wait for the next chapter:) I also love the spin on the normal 'Player' love stories that you have! Something you need to work on though would be to proof read! haha I would try and make shorter paragraphs and make sure your sentences flow and sound right. Also, whenever people are talking, make sure you put it on a separate line and not in the middle of a paragraph. There were only a few minor spelling errors. haha keep writing<3

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