Honest opinions on your stories (CLOSED)

No where to escape. No time to think. The choices that are made will affect your fate. Zipporah is an out going person, who is forced into many things. She discovers important information about your past history, and has to make a decision that will affect the lives of many. Through this journey she must over come many obstacles, that will either make her or break her. She has limited support from the people around her, but she some how finds the courage to keep moving forward. She is not aware of how these tribulations will have such a dramatic affect on her life, but she is soon to find out. http://www.wattpad.com/story/545339-a-promise-restored

Reply Report

http://www.wattpad.com/4434509-love-how-it-hurts

When I heard my first love story; I began seeking you, searching for my own.

All my life I've been searching for someone like you to come mess with my head, someone who would love me the way I loved you.

I didn't know the search was useless, that soul mates were in each other’s heart from the very beginning.

I carry you in my heart where ever I go, I'm never without you. I fear no fate, for you are my fate. thankx, hope you like it :)

Reply Report

@rainandhotchocolate

http://www.wattpad.com/story/962211-little-n-large-watty-awards-2012

Nicole Crystal Welsh is starting her sophomore year at her California performing Arts school with the best social status possible- a floater. Someone popular enough to hang with the popular crowd yet still have the ability to sit with newbies or freshmen. In a place where looks are everything Nicole is beyond satisfied with her position when the inevitable happens- girl meets boy. Floaters are usually loners but Nicole is popular enough to make it work, that's not the issue. The problem is Caleb is a whopping 5'6 and Nicole is 6'1. In a place where looks are everything Nicole must find the strength to break the cookie cutter mold or lose everything she's ever worked for with a few bumps along the way.

Reply Report

@NMBooks Hey! I really like your story! You know how to engage an audience really quickly, and you've picked out a very unique and intriguing story line. I think it's quite interesting (in a god way) how you've portrayed your characters in such a mysterious way, so you can't even tell if they are really who they say. You have some minor grammar errors, but nothing that really takes away from the story or makes it confusing. I love it! :) x

Reply Report

@PotatoChips Hey! wow. That is a very full on story haha. I love the story line- it's nothing I have ever read before and it gets you hooked from the very start. You may want to think about slowing down on the information you are giving the reader because it can sometimes be too much to process. Maybe describe how she is feeling or something, to make it more realistic. Otherwise, fantastic! x

Reply Report

@rainandhotchocolate Hey! Thank you, haha, I'll revise a bit, seeing as it's mostly needed since the last time I wrote that was when I was merely a twelve year old kid. :D

Reply Report

@naur8een Hey! You have a great story going there, but one thing is grammar! aahhh! haha, you may just want to make sure you look over your work when you are writing, because I think you are just missing a few words. One word you spelt wrong a few time was 'Didn't. I think you were spelling it "dint' or something, just becareful when you are writing your chapters:) You might also want to calm down on some of the exclamation marks! haha really good job though:) keep writing! x

Reply Report

@DenishaNichole Hey! Wow, that is a really powerful story you have written there. You are very good at capturing an audience! One main thing would be grammar! You really need to check over your work before you post it- some times you also mix up names which can make it slightly confusing. I think you might be writing some of these chapters a bit to fast, it seems like they are rushed. Enjoy your writing! Let yourself describe the emotions more. I love how you have brought in a personality to the story, you aren't just telling it. Otherwise, I seriously love this story, it's already in my reading list:) x

Reply Report

@rainandhotchocolate I write them on my iPod so I never go back and revise it so that could be the reason lol . But thanks its my first story it makes me happy that you really like it thanks so much (:

Reply Report

@DenishaNichole haha yeah I do that too, but I'm a freaking grammar nazi:P

Reply Report

@TheVisibleDarkness Hey! I love your story! It's very engaging and interesting from the start, and even though it is in a genre very commonly used, I really like how you have made it your own and unique. You may need to have a quick check on the grammar and see if you can delve a little into describing, etc to make it more realistic, but otherwise really well done! I can't wait to read more:) x

Reply Report

@rainandhotchocolate I've just posted the prologue of my story so I'd love it if you check it out(: It doesn't seem like a teenfic now but it's only the prologue, i assure you it will turn out to be more teenfic than scifi in the next chapters(:

Name: Welcome to Allentown

Summary: Four friends, a road trip and a strange place called Allentown. What’s the worst that could happen? Roxanne “Roxy” Winston only wanted to enjoy their traditional summer road trip as much as possible with her closest friends Willa and Josie, and finally steal the heart of their designated driver and her long time crush Justin, who happens to be Willa’s step brother. One night after something goes wrong, the group finds themselves stuck in a place called Allentown. Under its cozy appearance, this small town carries unearthly secrets that put all of them in a grave danger and the only people they can trust is the bitter and cynical sheriff and the reckless deputy who trapped them in Allentown in the first place. As they try to survive one of the biggest mysteries of all time, it is hard for them to decide who the real enemy is. {{{This book is not going to be a full mode sci-fi, more like sci-fi with lots of romance:)

Genres: [teen fiction/romance/science fiction/mystery-suspense] }}}

off to yours!

Reply Report

@rainandhotchocolate would you take a look at mine please? some feedback would be awesome, thank you. And i will check yours out :) http://www.wattpad.com/story/1078517-silence-is-golden Roxanne hopes to hide forever. From her parents, from the kids at school and even from herslef.She's just an empty shell now, who avoids the rest of the world at all costs. She never used to be like this but something changed her. Is there someone out there who can help her? And at what cost will their help come?

Reply Report

@NikkiIreason Hey! Wow, you have a gift for creating a mood. You are really able to make the reader feel something in the story or create a mood, even for just one chapter. Pearl and the thunder- This has a great story line, I loved the 'prologue' haha. You really create great imagery through your descriptions of how they look and act. You may want to make the paragraphs slightly smaller though. The fall of azrael- This is a very powerful story, slightly creepy haha but very well written. You really know how to engage the reader and it is such a unique piece of writing. Keep writing! These books are fantastic x

Reply Report

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1168296-impossible-to-hate-you

THANKS:):)

Reply Report

Dax Love has a naughty secret. He's addicted to reading the online diary he accidentally hacked. Robbie Nash is a sex crazed, womanizer whose main goal in high school life is to be sexually irresistible to every woman he meets. He likes them stacked and easy. When a new girl moves to town, Robbie has her in his sights instantly, and that's the one place Eva does not want to be. She would rather get a Brazilian bikini wax from a blind man with Parkinson's than to have to deal with another ego like Robbie's. However, Dax is different story for Eva. When the two develop a budding friendship, Robbie allows his jealousy to get the better of him and blackmails Dax into doing something so unthinkable it should make the very act of deception illegal: Make Eva fall in love with him...or to sleep with him. One or the other. Can Dax do the impossible? Or will Robbie be in for a rude awakening?

Reply Report

http://www.wattpad.com/story/1322421-don%27t-forget

it's mostly romance, but it's a coming-of-age story too!

Reply Report

@rainandhotchocolate

The Days Of Kelsea's

READ HERE; http://www.wattpad.com/story/984918-the-days-of-kelsea%27s

". . . I'm doing it for her. Even if it means reading about every single private moment of her life. . ."

Meet Demi Costello. She's heartbroken, frustrated, and has lately been immersed in a pool of grief and horror. Kelsea Richardson was her best friend. Her only best friend. And three weeks ago, she went missing. No one has any information of where she went. That is until Demi finds Kelsea's diary, which she started on August 6th, last year. Of course the police want any information anyone can find. But Demi doesn't hand over the diary. Because she has to work out what happened to Kelsea first, before anyone else.

In this book, we take a journey through two best friends' lives, written in completely different formats - Kelsea's heart warming, breath taking diary enteries filled with love, tenderness and drama, and Demi's flashbacks and memories of the times spent with her best friend. And every step along the way, the reasons why become clearer . . .

WATTY AWARDS 2012 - TEEN FICTION Please comment on the actual story page :)

Reply Report

@Cr8TiV3 Hey! you have a nice story there:) You may want to delve a little into descriptions and longer chapters! haha, I know it's hard to write 6 pages but just aim for 2 or 3. I couldn't fully see where it was going at the start, so you might want to think about ways to engage the reader immediately. Keep writing! x

Reply Report

@ellieo13 Hey! That's a great story! You have a really unique story line going there, and keep people on their toes. One thing is grammar! I know you are probably trying to accent the character, but there are a few words that would generally only be spelt like that in texts or messaging. You may also need to make your paragraphs smaller, and remember to make a separate line each time someone new is talking. Keep writing:) x

Reply Report

@ImperfectBeauty Hey! I love the uniqueness to your story! It's nice to read a story where the main character isn't a tomboy or very strong-minded. It's always nice to read something like this which I think more people can relate to. You may want to be a little careful or grammar, but it isn't something to be worried about. You may also want to be careful that you don't speed to much, at some points it seemed like you were rushing to get it done. Keep writing! x

Reply Report

@rainandhotchocolate: hi! http://www.wattpad.com/story/1195219-for-you

What would you do when the one that you love give you conditions for going out with you? Would you accept it? Meet Ceara who is given unique conditions for going out with Neil Out of it all she was determine to make it work. But... things are just not as easy as it seems But is she prepare for the upcoming challenges? Well let's hope she actually is

Reply Report

@AFriend Hey! Holy shit you really know how to capture an audience! I do like the mystery in your story and how you give small back stories at the start of each chapter, it almost gives you a slight cliffhanger at the start haha. One thing though, I am still slightly confused with the story line because you have kept so much from it. You may want to fill the readers in a little haha. There were just a few minor spelling errors, but nothing to worry about. Keep writing!! x

Reply Report

@Crystal11124 @vanillanightsky @WattyHolic @Tiye13 @glitznglamour @ferretgirl @VanillaSky09 @so_fortunate @so_fortunate @victoriarosetaylor @SarahTheColdplayer @Blue_Dragon Hey! getting around to yours this week:) sorry for taking so long!

Reply Report