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  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @awesomebooks1912

    Switching point of views is definitely something to keep an eye on. I guess you are trying to convey a lot of perspectives. There are ways to do this that don't break up the flow of the writing so much. You seem to have an idea what some of your problems are and what to do. I will have a look and see what I think :)

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @awesomebooks1912

    The first chapter is written in third-person perspective. And after that you go in to first-person. It's not advisable to do that. Maybe separate that first chapter off as a prologue.

    In general, with so many switches of perspective it is more suited to third-person perspective. That way you could keep track of the events in one stream, and here and there give Audreys and Ash's thoughts and feelings. Either that or stick to the perspective of one as hard as it may seem. You are effectively writing two stories in parallel. The perspectives are very interesting and the thoughts are too, but you will have to use one of these methods to help keep the writing flowing. Fragmentation of perspective can work if used sparingly for a specific momentous event but it should not just casually switch between view points. I hope this helps a bit.

    To give different first-person perspectives you could incorporate diary entries of a person. there may be a few other devices. Things to think about.

    As far as plot goes, the events need to build up to something. A tension needs to build that is then released. It is difficult to build that tension with two perspectives running in parallel. For Ash a tension could be wanting to bite Audrey but resisting because he likes her and doesn't want her to become a vampire. A whole story could be built around that tension. Instead you rushed through that a bit and carried on to the next part of the story.

    I do see that you have a lot of ideas, it's now about gathering them in to a neat little narrative. Protagonist - Conflict - Antagonist - Tension - Helper Object/Person - Conflict resoution. Try to put some of your ideas into a story with this structure as practice.

    All the best with it, Jonathan

  • awesomebooks1912
    awesomebooks1912
    2 years ago

    Thank you so, so much. So basically what your saying is I need to switch my POV on chapter 1 to third person? There's also a chapter where it's in the authors POV so do I switch that? Or should I start fresh? Did you find anything confusing in my story? If so what? It's hard making my story even out. I want to tell so much but yet I have to do it slowly. Please get back to me. Sorry for asking again. Heehee

  • StarryKyamii
    StarryKyamii
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides : Hello there :)) This is m first story and i don't know if it's good or what. I feel like i have many mistakes and error. Would you mind helping me out? :)) http://www.wattpad.com/story/1203653-the-last-feather

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @awesomebooks1912

    Yes, I think its a good idea to stick with either 3rd person or first person throughout a story. For an exception you can refer to a diary entry, flashback or dream in first person, if it is well integrated into the story. But you shouldn't swap them for no particular reason. There's nothing wrong with the writing in that sense. Its just a case of trying to understand your readers, and achieve the best effect for them, by putting it in the most palatable format. If you want to start from scratch do it with a different story and idea. For this one, make the change I suggested and try and stick it out writing it to the end. :)

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @awesomebooks1912 I take that back, I just looked again, the first chapter is already third-person, and the rest is first person. either change that first bit to first person also or separate it out as a prologue to the story. The content of the story is very interesting. It follows the girl as she is introduced to the vampire Ash, and the vampire way of life. It is well expressed also, alot of good ideas in it. Just bear in mind in future to stick to 3rd or 1st person for the duration of a story. And when switching perspectives try and make it a bit less frequent. And have at least a full self-contained chapter at a time from one persons perspective. This is advice based on what I think readers will prefer to see, and will make it easier for them to follow. Hope this helps you :) Thanks for getting back in touch :)

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @Kyamii Hello, I can't really provide an overal critique. Could you let me know some more specific problems that are worrying you about the story, or your writing, and then I will be able to help you out a bit better. Thanks, Jonathan :)

  • awesomebooks1912
    awesomebooks1912
    2 years ago

    Thank you so much your a life saver:) I put up a new chapter and a gave your idea a swing about a diary entry or dream. So I gave Audrey a nightmare but I'm not sure if I used POV correctly. Could you maybe check? I swear this will be my last post I'm sure its getting annoying. *Blushes*. Also I'm not sure what should happen in my next couple of chapters. Any ideas? I'm not sure if there should be some type of larger conflict or tone it down a bit. Thanks again.

  • StarryKyamii
    StarryKyamii
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides : Hi :)) My problem is about tenses, they said that they are a bit confused with it because i keep shifting from past to present and i don't know what im going to do with it. :)) So yeah, and more on describing something :D Thank you so much :))

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @awesomebooks1912 It seems okay to me in itself. It could do with being connected better to the preceding chapter. As it jumps from them feeding on a deer to the next chaper she is in the middle of a dream. Maybe they feed on the deer, admire the wildlife then fall asleep in each others arms under a tree. Then the next chapter could be her nightmare. Then it would have better continuity, just an example. The nightmare itself is fine. Maybe include something like ... before and after the dream to separate it out as being a dream.

    As for where to take the story. You have introduced a tension between them based on the content of her nightmare, you need to think how best to resolve that. As far as the story overal goes, it is up to you to decide how you think it will end up. Will they be together, will it be tragic for one of them, will Ash' bad deeds come back to haunt him. Will Audrey persuade him to do good from now on? Or will someone else appear in the picture? Its up to you and your imagination really. Good luck with it :)

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @Kyamii Here is one paragraph, at beginning of chapter 3: "I stared at her intently, waiting for the next thing she will say. For a moment we became motionless, silence fill the air."

    There are numerous tense problems here yes: This is a grammar issue. It should read something like : I stared at her intently, waiting for the next thing she would say. For a moment we were motionless, silence filled the air.

    You could get an editor to help you out or look up some resources on grammar. It is a difficult thing to teach though. It is much easier to learn gradually, picking it up from reading a lot of books.

    The actual content of your story is very interesting and well written aside from the tense issue and some other grammar issues. It is a case of trial and error, though reading and writing, and over time your grammar will get better. Read a few books intently and try to mimic their style for practice. This is my best advice for you for now :)

  • StarryKyamii
    StarryKyamii
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides : Wow thank you so much :D Really big help :))

  • _preciousmuch
    _preciousmuch
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides

    Hi! I was working on my new story. Would you give it a look if you have some time. And comment what you think of.

    here's the link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1238813-secret-love-ongoing-series

    please reply soon.

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @preMor_018

    Would you mind sending me a message with any specific problems you think you need to work on?

    From an initial look there is a few things I would say:

    Firstly, the usual thing is to describe the characters during the story, rather than set out their characteristics at the beginning. Doing this is a good idea for your own reference. But for a reader it is best to introduce character traits at a convenient time during the story.

    There are also a few grammatical issues, but this is something you will learn over time as you read more.

    Hope this helps you a bit :)

  • _preciousmuch
    _preciousmuch
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides

    Thank you so much. It really helps me.

  • h8lyfeee
    h8lyfeee
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides Hi. I also have problems with tenses

    I'm using a pov of a girl and I'm using past tense. Sometimes I think she should use the present tense if she's talking to herself, or something like that. Are there times when present tense can be applied?

    And another question, if you're using the past tense, is it safe to say that "Now, the trees were swaying." or should you stick with "Now, the trees are swaying." If you have a link about tenses, can you share it with me?

    Sorry if this comment is too confusing. :(

  • KevinBurns
    KevinBurns
    2 years ago

    Hi my story: http://www.wattpad.com/story/1215743-lucas I am having a two problems. The first is describing things. I would likre to paint a better picture of the characters and their surroundings. The second problem is quoting. I would like to say more than i said, hes said, she replied.

    Except for grammer and punctuation these are my two biggest problems.

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @h8lyfeee

    "Now the trees were swaying" seems a bit contradictory as it says now, then it says were. Maybe "and the trees were swaying" or "then the trees swayed."

    I think you are right to consider using present tense at times. The overal story is past tense, but when reporting some things that happened. You have to report of them as being present tense. As long as you don't confuse the tense of that part, with the overal narrative.

    You need to make sure you keep the overal narrative voice distinct from the voice of the character when doing this.

    A great resource for grammar in general is at this website:

    http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/5/

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @KevinBurns

    I think you are doing a good job with your story, except for the grammar and punctuation as you pointed out yourself.

    With the he said, she said stuff. Very often you can just go straight to the quote as the context often implies who is the one speaking. That can save you repeating "he said" alot. In your story you put he smiled at one point and then the quote which is one alternative. A bit of description like that then the text is a good alternative way of going about it. Just don't over-do it when there is a conversation going. Let the dialogue flow at those points and minimise he saids and she saids, or just ignore them altogether and go straight to the quote.

    Hope this helps a bit :)

    Also for punctuation and grammar help, try starting to read through some of the resources on this page:

    http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/5/

    I found them helpful in relation to punctuation myself.

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    I'm going to close this Thread down. Other commitments don't allow me the time right now to provide more help. I will compile a resource with some basic tips for story writing on wattpad in the coming weeks. Good luck with your writing :)

  • Aashiqui
    Aashiqui
    2 years ago

    Hi, I don't know how to say this right. I'm writing this story, it's a romance novel. I started writing it from the girl's point of view, but now I'm stuck in the 12'th chapter . Will it harm my story if i give few chaps to the guy. The story is still in the draft so you'll have to rely on my lousy description though.

    i really need help with my other story http://www.wattpad.com/story/1256117-dark-syren .I think there's something wrong with that story apart from the grammar and punctuation problems.

  • SEscuadro
    SEscuadro
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides Actually, I need help in editing and stuff. Could you help me? :D

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/1251791-the-lost-dreamer

    When fifteen-year-old Eden Paris discovers that not only is she not human but rather, a descendant of gods and angels, a demiangel, she is plunged into the world of the Ethereal Society, a society of the higher half-bloods. Eden is determined to sever herself from the world she thought only existed in books and fairytales but it seems that the only way to get out of the mess her Scent caused her was to tie herself to the handsome yet intolerable and haughty young William Sage as his Consor, a warrior sworn by blood and soul to protect his other to death.

    Something stirs outside of the protective barrier of the Sanctuary. More and more demiangels have been reported kidnapped and hadn't been discovered nor heard from anyone. When Eden learns that her best friend is in grave danger, she is drawn deeper into the secrets of the Hidden World.

    In this adventure packed novel, Eden learns that some things are rather much better off hidden under the covers of her books.

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @SEscuadro there is an editing club where you can look for an editor, good luck with that

    @SEscuadro @cerrybe6

    Sorry guys I have closed this thread due to other commitments. I wish you well with your stories. My general advice is keep plugging away. Try and write a certain amount of words each day as a minimum. It may not feel right one day, but then the next day something may come in to your mind and allow you to get back on track. As long as you keep on writing you will keep on learning and eventually it will all come together :) If you are struggling with a longer project then try something shorter just to practice, and build some confidence at completing a story. Good luck :)

  • SEscuadro
    SEscuadro
    2 years ago

    @LetoAtreides Can I ask where is it?

  • LetoAtreides
    LetoAtreides
    2 years ago

    @SEscuadro Click on clubs and then look for Wattpad Editors club, or follow this link:

    http://www.wattpad.com/club/25-wattpad-readers