Hi! So I'm giving *free* critiques, for nothing in return! All genres, come on in!


  • tessamarphibate
    tessamarphibate
    2 years ago
    I am not asking for absolutely anything in return.
    HOWEVER, if you wish to return the favor, I listed my poem and story links at the very bottom with their descriptions. Take a look if you're feeling nice.

    I will allow all genres. I will be..let's not say, harsh, if not thorough. I will never pass from giving constructive criticism, i.e, insulting you or your story, but I will be completely honest. Just post with word "bonanza", your story link, title, genre and anything you'd like me to focus on (grammar/spelling, writing, characters, etc.).

    Post away!

  • SorrowHasNoHANDhere
    SorrowHasNoHANDhere
    2 years ago

    Bonanza! And thanks... just tear this apart from any angle and I'll be happy :) Photobucket http://www.wattpad.com/story/1060091-hello

    Genre: fantasy / thriller / sci-fi / romance / horror / humor / Watty Awards 2012

    That first "hello" is always mysterious, containing an endless list of possible outcomes, even those relating to love.

    Is it not true that finding love is important, even if it's in an inanimate object, like that pet rock you know will always be there for you? Just face it--love is all around us, creating the very ground we walk on, and no good story is written without it.

    Come follow Pete and Hyman as they search for love where love shouldn't be found, and in the end watch as their worlds come crashing down around them.

    For people as special as them, some things just can't be found.

  • Lieneke
    Lieneke
    2 years ago

    Bonanza! And if you could help with grammar I'd appreciate it!

    It's about a dystopian society.

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/1198870-untitled-suggestions

  • sanemisanthrope
    sanemisanthrope
    2 years ago

    Bonanza. Focus on whatever you want. Talking Dead

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/1128090-talking-dead

    Heather can see and talk with dead people. How will things turn out when she meets this ghost that wants her to bring his murderer to justice?

    Genre: Romance/ Paranormal

  • when_forever_ends
    when_forever_ends
    2 years ago

    bonanza

    Title: She Likes Roses

    Link: http://www.wattpad.com/3644418-she-likes-roses

    Genre: Short Story, but more of the sad kind...?

    Please focus on style, as it's what I'm trying to develop.

  • tessamarphibate
    tessamarphibate
    2 years ago

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/746635-through-metallic-gold-eyes-watty-awards-2012 Through Metallic Gold Eyes

    Fifty five years ago, Marphibian X was first spotted in a single citizen of the United States of America. Although this genetic mutation was proved not to be contagious, it slowly began occurring randomly in the bodies of thousands of citizens, something nobody could explain. According to research, Marph X makes a change in your cells, dramatically increasing your strength, speed and intelligence while also ridding you of any feelings or emotions and giving you the unbearable urge to murder. With so many people turning into Marphibates at once, that's when the Marphibian X Outbreak started: humans vs. Marphibates. In the end, with the help of technology, humans proved to be the more powerful race and wiped out the Marphibates until there were none. Although the war that lasted a year left the country destroyed, it was slowly reconstructed as the Protected States of America. Now, in the year 2089, thirteen year old Whilemina Frewer has been diagnosed with the Marph X and is sent to be killed for the country's own safety. The government may think she's a Marphibate, but Whilemina's older sister, Ryba, is convinced that there was a mistake and plans to get her back home..until she makes an astonishing discovery about these Marphibates that changes her life.

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/1081658-normal-different Normal/Different

    The next time you find yourself thinking someone is "weird", ask yourself why that is.

    ^ Those are my stories.

    Alright, I'll be starting with you then, Sorrow. ^^ @SorrowHasNoHANDhere

  • TheMadHatteress
    TheMadHatteress
    2 years ago

    He was leaning in too close now; I could feel the sweet warm breaths coming from his mouth. He knew. And he was going to threaten me with it. "I have a secret," he whispered. His hands wrapped around my waist, and I found my heart beating faster and faster; A hummingbird heart. "We both know your a cheater," he said, smirking with the corners of his lips. "But that's not the secret." He leaned in closer to my ear. "The secret is that I'm a cheater too." http://www.wattpad.com/story/1177870-cheaters

  • ___elle
    ___elle
    2 years ago

    bonanza Adventure/humor--Violet Eyed Muse Please excuse the grammar, it isn't exceptional but it is decent(hopefully) lol Also if you could let me know if you think! http://www.wattpad.com/story/1144391-violet-eyed-muse Thanks! :D@tessamarphibate

  • _Emma_Dez
    _Emma_Dez
    2 years ago

    Bonanza

    http://www.wattpad.com/3890363-jewel-of-all-worlds

    Title: Jewel of All Worlds

    Genre: Action / Romance / Adventure / Watty Awards 2012

    And please check out the content or whatever you'd like, really lol

    Summary: For five years Mia Mendoza has been living her life as much more than the average woman. It isn't an easy life but she gets by with her foster mother, Sarah, her best friend and sister, Viktória, and her daughter, Maya. But over the course of a few months, someone has been watching her very closely. Then the unthinkable happens and Mia is forced to team up with others she doesn't trust for the sole purpose of taking back what is rightfully hers.

  • AgentAstroZombie
    AgentAstroZombie
    2 years ago

    @tessamarphibate

    Daily Routine of Boredom

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/1199751-daily-routine-of-boredom

    Daily Routine of Boredom, The book cover for my original story

    Everyday life seems normal for Dylan Dawson, an average 14-year old, he never did care about life, everyday is just a replay of yesterday and he hates it. School was the only place he could do whatever he wants, he doesn't care about the education, the only joy in life for him is causing trouble. He's the troublemaker in the classroom, never the one to do so well in school, serving detention everyday became a daily routine for him. That is...until he stumbles upon a girl he's never seen before in school, Allison Blaze. They met through one of his pranks and caused them both to get in trouble, and for Dylan to understand that there's more to life than just a daily routine of boredom

  • SunStorm
    SunStorm
    2 years ago

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/941962-bullet-from-a-gun

    Genre: Fanfiction. (Criminal Minds)

    Description: Six years ago-Spencer Reid was kidnapped, drugged and tortured by a man named Tobias Hankel-and now as the BAU team are called to his home town of Las Vegas, he begins to act oddly, and when he attracts the attention of the UnSub, will the team be able to find him on time?

    Focus: well, I know my grammar is probably crap, so maybe focus on my writing style?

    bonanza.

  • _ryedye12
    _ryedye12
    2 years ago
  • AliceReneeGraham
    AliceReneeGraham
    2 years ago

    bonanza http://www.wattpad.com/story/312447-hidden-fantasies if you see anything wrong you can go ahead and tell me, and Thank you!

  • PenDancer
    PenDancer
    2 years ago

    Bonanza!

    Hi! I just posted some of a story I've been working on for a few weeks now, and I'd love to hear what you think of it. It's mostly Teen Fiction, Romance, and Humor, but it is also a Science Fiction story.

    If you could focus on the plot and the characters, and see if there is anyway I could improve either, that would be great. (Any other tips you have would be, too! (; )

    http://www.wattpad.com/3986707-out-of-this-galaxy-prologue

    The title is undecided, so if you have any suggestions, I'd be very appreciative!

    Thank you so much! :) I hope you enjoy it!

  • SorrowHasNoHANDhere
    SorrowHasNoHANDhere
    2 years ago

    @tessamarphibate Thanks! And wow, your first story sounds really similar to mine! Maybe we have the same inspiration? Either way, I'm adding it to my reading list :)

  • TheType
    TheType
    2 years ago

    @tessamarphibate Bonanza! Thank you very much! I'd like critique on general flow, grammar, I think I might have some sentences that make no sense, I'd like to know how it comes off, whether it's easy to step into as a reader, how grabbing it is, is the character development decent so far, does it fall into lines of cliche, is it something you would want to read the following chapter for? So anyway, that might be too much but if you would be so kind as to critique those(and anything else you may spot) I would love that!...Style wouldn't be bad either, I don't know that I have a writing style. Thank you again! -- Oh and how do you create a decent story summary?

    Under the Acacia
    Under the Acacia
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Drama - Deals in racial tension and tradition, to name a couple things
    There was only so much time in one person's life. It was foolish, the thought that it could be extended significantly by some sort of science or devilish hocus pocus... This follows the life of Ahmos, a man from the far east who's run from his past. But now, years later it's starting to creep back up on him. He searched for immortality, was the cost worth it? With the past catching on, and war on the rise between the three countries of Corath, Patellar and Chiranjivi, what all will happen? Will racial tension tear everything apart in a brutal war, and will close held beliefs be the downfall of all?

  • rogue_writer
    rogue_writer
    2 years ago

    @tessamarphibate if you have time please check out a story I'm working on It's called "Remember Me" it still an ongoing story.

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/927835-remember-me

    and I'll check out your too. =D and also check out some of my poems as well.

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/1202141-if-i-disappear http://www.wattpad.com/story/1065041-the-darkness http://www.wattpad.com/story/1061798-the-lovers-tree

    and whatever you do to my stories I'll totally return the favor 100% =D

  • notbreathinganymore
    notbreathinganymore
    2 years ago

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/844320-when-to-let-go Here you go, I hope you like it!:)

    And be as harsh as you can be! I've been doing R4Rs and people mostly compliments, so I really want some ideas for improving and for people to tell me what I've done wrong! You seem like the type of person that will do that, so I hope you get round to checking mine out!

  • insincerity
    insincerity
    2 years ago
  • _FalteredAngel1996
    _FalteredAngel1996
    2 years ago

    Summary: This is just a story about a teenage girl named May. She's a senior in high school, and has everything a girl could ever dream of. She's living her life to the fullest and loving every bit of it, but what if all of that is about to change when she finds out things about herself that she had no idea was even possible. Could there be things beyond the supernatural that no one knew could ever exist, and if so, could a human be a part of all of it?

    Fantasy/Other

    Link/Bookcover:http://www.wattpad.com/3970919-enchanted-felines

    Photobucket

  • checkmyvitalsigns
    checkmyvitalsigns
    2 years ago

    @tessamarphibate Bonanza! Thank you sooo much! It's very short, only 1/2 page:)

    The Caged Bird Doesn't Sing Anymore

    Prompt: Write from the point of view of a birdcage whose occupant recently died.

    http://www.wattpad.com/3742006-the-caged-bird-doesn%27t-sing-anymore

  • tessamarphibate
    tessamarphibate
    2 years ago

    Ooookay, people. One at a time, one at a time. I'm still on the first one. (:

  • notbreathinganymore
    notbreathinganymore
    2 years ago

    @tessamarphibate Oh, and I checked out your poem because I love reading poetry. It was really very powerful and written on such a good subjects! If you ever write any more poems, let me know, as I'd love to have a read!:)

  • SadieLayli1232
    SadieLayli1232
    2 years ago

    http://www.wattpad.com/3841688-only-you-could-watty-awards-2012-only-you-could

    This is my first chapter so things are kinda slow, but it gets better after the second chapter. Jenny had it all. Good friends, popularity, and was drop-dead gorgeous. She was like any other teenager and went to parties and got drunk. Everything changed when she went on a trip with her family to Australia . When her plane crashes and it turns out that Jenny is one of the few survivors; she must remember what happened on that night. With the help of her best friend,Seth, she can find out what happened and when she does she will be changed. This book appeals to teens and young adults with humor,action,romance,and mystery.

  • lolyta
    lolyta
    2 years ago

    @tessamarphibate Thank you so much, I'd love to hear some feedback :) x

    Here's my story!

    http://www.wattpad.com/story/1001201-secret-torture-student-teacher

    They were not meant to be together. But when James Halter and young, vulnerable Allison Rousseau meet one night, on a balcony underneath a starlit sky, that's exactly what happens. Completely unaware of the trap they're falling into, Allison and James spend the night together - and it only gets worse when he turns up as her high school art teacher the following week.