The Fighter's Club #Wattys2015Winner

Chapter 29 ◇◇ Let the Secrets Unravel

Chapter 29- Let the Secrets Unravel

"Real love is always chaotic. You lose control; you lose perspective. You lose the ability to protect yourself. The greater the love, the greater the chaos. It's a given and that's the secret."

― Jonathan Carroll

Dev's POV

I've become accustomed to my life being an unwelcoming reality... where the world always seems never to let me be happy for long or even indifferent. It's always one thing or another and when or if there is calm before a storm it's always too good to be true like I can hardly believe my good reality myself because things never seem to turn out good for me.

So imagine my reality now... I was bruised, battered and according to the doctors had a slight concussion, suffered the loss of yet another child, having been unconscious for about twelve hours which was caused by my body going into a state of shock.

The fact that all that pain was caused by someone I'd trusted my life with and always felt entirely obligated to because he was alone because of me and my choice. That choice resulted in myself being alone and left basically defenseless with a lone wolf who had already bared his canines at me one too many times but I thought could change yet he didn't so in a result I ended up knowing how the loss of a child killed something in inside of you before I was done being a child myself.

All of this was the fall out of my wrong choice...

However there still was this light at the end of that dark painful tunnel and it was amazingly bright thoroughly refreshing to me. But some part of me craved it like I'd been waiting for it my whole life.

Like I'd be running towards this light forever but could never reach it because it was so far out of my grasp and there were so many demons who didn't wanted me to get close to it so they did everything in their power to stomp on the already shaky foundation I stood on to stop me.

But now I was here... baring the scars that life afforded me and while they very much still hurt. Some deeper than the others, some that ached constantly. It was the process of healing no matter the length of time that would make me smile.

I wasn't the same woman who hid behind the façade of ignoring my wounds and pain to make everything seem okay but a woman who knew that it is perfectly okay to say you're not okay.

Pain isn't welcomed into the wheelhouse of my mind yet while it still exists there it doesn't control anything... the hope of the light at the end of the tunnel does.

I could say the silence was welcoming tonight after the chaos of doctors and nurses constantly checking my pulse, unhooking me off machines, running tests and changing the dressings on my wounds finally stopped and was now simply a gradual check in maybe every other hour.

And I finally had a chance to think to myself and just accept all the facts that the doctor shot at me and trying to piece together the events my brain hadn't scattered apart while I was unconscious.

"You've been quiet since the last time the nurse came in and checked on you... I know what you doing and I think you should stop mami." I folded my lips inside of my mouth slightly shaking my head as I continued to trace the lines in the palms of my hands sitting crisscrossed in the center of the hospital bed.

"You always think you know me better than I know myself" I laughed lowly and subtly but it came out hoarsely and void of humor as I adjusted my position on the bed, trying to slowly back myself back resting comfortably in the mist of the raised top of the bed and the sanitary white pillow without hurting my bandaged torso "I was just thinking about.."