Pieces Of Me [an online journal of sorts]

Entry One: beautiful

We've all heard it before, the phrase 'nobody's perfect'. And it's true, to a certain degree I suppose. Honestly, I believe it's all in the perspective. 

Take Taylor Swift for example. I've always thought she's fucking beautiful inside and out - a huge feat if you ask me. But, then, there's my sister who says she can't find the beauty I see in her, which is complete bullshit if you ask me. How can you not see that this person is stunningly amazing? I cannot -will not- understand. 

Which brings me to the question: What makes one beautiful, and what is it exactly that deems them worthy of the title ugly? Is it the hair? The smile? Their kindness? 

The reason I'm asking all these questions is because, lately, I've been reflecting on myself and wondering where do I belong. Am I Ugly, or am I Beautiful? 

Just to be clear, I wasn't always this superficial. There was a time, you know, when I couldn't care less if I showed myself to the unsuspecting public in pajamas and heinously-tangled hair. But primary school has long since been behind me; I'm a Freshman in high school now. I think we've all seen enough movies to know what that's like.  

I've found myself swimming in oceans of self-pity recently so deep that I'm currently starting to sound like all the whiny girls I used to bitch about. Except that I usually whine to myself and not broadcast my insecurities for the entire world to pick at. So in an effort to make myself feel better the other day, I think, I started a list in my head where I would point out all the things I didn't like about myself and, to even them out, all the other things I liked. 

This is what I came up with:

Things I dislike: 

-I'm short (151 cm, boo). 

-I'm chubby. 

-My eyebrows - they're hideous. 

-My big feet and weird toes. 

-My frizzy hair. 

-My skin (the color, the problems, the scars).  

-My big lips and giant two front teeth.

 

Things I like: 

-My eyes

-My eyelashes. 

-The slight shine of my hair. 

-My bangs.

That's it?  

Yeah, that's what I thought too. So I added some other more personal things in an effort to keep me from caving into myself and entering a whole other realm of depression and self-loathing/pity.

Other things I like: 

-I'm smart. 

-I'm friendly, sort of. 

-I'm liked, I think. 

-I'm funny (or at least, I like to think I am). 

-I'm honest.

-I'm sarcsatic.

And, of course, there are other things I don't like about myself, like: 

-I'm awkward.