There is a lot of power in the words "I'm sorry." If you are having problems in your marriage because you are coming to impasses with each other, you may want to learn how to use these two little words effectively. When you use these words in the right way, you will make your wife happy.

For those of you that watched the TV show "Happy Days" Fonzie could never say the words that indicated he made a mistake or that he was wrong and he could only stutter out half the phrase.
I think we are often like Fonzie. We have a hard time saying "I'm sorry" or "You are right, I am wrong". And yet, we like to hear it from others.

My husband is often right on things that I am wrong on. We have a good natured argument about it and then later I find out that he was right. Grrrr! I then find myself, attempting to say, "You were right" and I always think of Fonzie. It is not easy. It takes practice. It takes wanting something better to come in the relationship. It takes a willingness to give over the power of the situation to the other person.

Many years ago, there was a movie in North American theatres that talked about "Love means never having to say you are sorry." The movie may have portrayed other reasons, but I have never been a fan of the phrase 'never having to say you are sorry.' I think you should be using it anytime that things go wrong. I think you need to be using it to show your partner that you are committed to the growth of your marriage and not the demise of your relationship. Marriage is an equal partnership. One person is never always right and the other always wrong. It is important to find the paths that can take you through the relationship so that both husband and wife are happy in that life together.

'I'm sorry' can mean a multitude of things and most of them are very helpful and very positive for the person receiving them and for the health of the relationship. In this article, I would like to remind you of the power of these words and the places where you can begin to include them into your communication that can be most effective. There are also times when these two words should not be used and are counterproductive. We should also be aware of the overuse and wrong use of these words.

When situations escalate out of control, husbands and wives, who once loved each other more than life itself, find themselves on the opposite side of a barrier that can lead to divorce, bitterness and even hatred. Being proactive and looking after the small issues, as they come up will help to keep a life without barriers.

Deal with the Small Stuff First

My experience has shown me that it is easier to say sorry when we are dealing with little items and not the big earth shaking situations. I have also learned that when we deal with the small items - often referred to as 'pinches' then they don't grow and develop into the bigger situations - or crunches. When you learn to deal with the small stuff as it happens you are dealing with the pinches before they become crunches. This is a very valuable lesson to learn.

I was counseling a couple who were about to get married. One of the questions I always asked was: What are some of the things that you know you do the same? And what are some of the things that you know you do differently? When we got to the second question, the wife-to-be said "We cut tomatoes differently!" And then they were into a spirited discussion between the two of them about the 'right' way to cut a tomato! Now we could have left it at that. But these two were going into a lifetime commitment together. It was time for them to learn - and quickly - how to live with two schools of thought on how to cut a tomato!

I asked each one: "Will the world end if your spouse does not cut the tomato in the same way that you cut a tomato?" They both agreed that it would not. I then asked: "Will your spouse or yourself be in danger if the salad is put on the table with the tomato cut in the way that you were not trained to cut it?" They both agreed that no one would be in danger. I continued asking questions: "Will you be embarrassed of the style of cut in the tomato if friends come over?" They would not. "Will your children be less than they could be if the tomato is not cut in the way that you were trained?" They agreed they would not be. I asked if they wanted to limit the scope of their partner's competence. They indeed did not want to do that. In the end the couple decided that all would be well even though they chose to cut the tomato in different fashions.