Blazed

Chapter Thirty-Three

Louis

"Can we talk?" I leaned against the wall staring at her, as she cleaned up the board games. Everyone had apparently left a couple minutes before I came back. Though I knew what I was about to say and do would end up putting her into a bad mood. I’d already hurt Kendall tonight why not at least kill two birds with one stone. Because what I was currently doing wasn’t only just hurting me it was hurting the both of them.

She glanced up at me a questioning look on her face, before nodding and sitting on the couch. I blew out a shaky breath then pushed myself off of the wall, as I walked towards the other couch. So I could take a seat from across her but instead I stood back up and sat next to her. The best way to come clean was to do it face to face, even if it mean she could easily be in reach of slapping me across the face.

Her eyebrows rose as she eyed me suspiciously, “Louis what's wrong?" She asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

A sigh left me when I hung my head down in shame. I placed my hands over my face to somewhat hide the shame and guilt I was feeling. Though I knew that wouldn't be the case not in this situation. Somehow I'd become a cheater which was something that I wasn't. I was raised to respect women and look at me now. I knew for a fact that I didn’t want to any guy cheating on any of my sisters or mom. So there was really no excuse for my actions, except that I was dating the wrong girl. Sure I realized that a long time ago but I was afraid of getting hurt again so I tried to play it safe for me. At the time though I wasn’t really thinking about anyone else but myself which was selfish, though now I was going to put of their feelings before mine.

Scum. That's what I was and it was all my fault. But I was going to face my consequences, come clean and take all the backlash that came with it. I'd deserved it after what I was putting them through. I couldn't help but replay the look on Kendall's face when she thought I regretted telling her I loved her. Honestly that was one look that I didn't want to witness again.

If I can't be faithful then I shouldn't be in a relationship. The thing was that I cared about both of them, I just loved Kendall. As pathetic as it sounds I was still hopelessly in love with the girl who broke my heart. I'm a grown man; it's just about time that I stopped acting like a little boy.

"I haven't been entirely faithful to you." I glanced back up to see her reaction, I was sort of hopping she'd lash out and slap me. That is what I deserved.

"Is it Kendall?" She questioned. An expressionless look on her face as she stared back at me.

I nodded but decided to give her a verbal response instead."I care about you and never meant to hurt you. Things just sort of happened...I'm not saying that I had no control over my actions. Everything that happened it was my fault." I admitted, feeling like I was lower than dirt.

"I'm not an idiot Louis. I knew it was bound to happen because I see the way you look at her." She shrugged her shoulders, her green eyes never leaving mine."Besides I'm used to it by now."

I groaned filling a familiar ache in my chest."I'm not like those other guys I do love you Jessica, but I'm just not-"

"In love with me." She finished the sentence for me, her mouth tilting downward."We're like friends with benefits except we just put a different title over it. Honestly I thought we'd break up sooner." She said.

"Can we still be friends? No sex or anything involved. I don't want to do that to you, it's the reason why I stopped having sex with you because I didn't want to use you." I took her smaller hand in mine."You deserve someone that should love you and only you."

She laughed a dry laugh before snatching her hand away from me."Yeah you're saying that now."

"You know," I said, brows arching up."If I didn't know you I'd say you only wanted me for my money." I confessed, since I was telling the truth.