Charlotte's Scars

Chapter 18 - Christian

Chapter Eighteen

Christian

I woke up to the smell of lavender with a hint of vanilla. Smiling, I opened my eyes and looked at the beautiful woman wrapped in my arms. She was still sound asleep appearing both peaceful and angelic. Thick brown waves of hair spread out on the pillow framing her petite face.

I pulled the little nerd closer. I could feel her warm, soft skin press up against me, her nakedness still very evident, and I was engulfed in that wondrous scent of vanilla lavender.

No doubt I could lay there and bask in her beauty all day, but after a couple minutes of watching her sleep, a feeling of guilt and regret took root inside me.

Sleeping, she looked so young, so innocent. Last night I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do. I took a girl's innocence, a girl who was still in high school, a girl who was best friends with my little sister, and this girl would want a monogamous relationship - but could I do that?

I loved her - I'd never deny that, but could I trust myself never to hurt her.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Charlie said with a soft yawn.

I grimaced, uncertainty clinging to me like a black hole pulling me deeper into the dark abyss of doubt. This women was perfect in every way, I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to cause her pain.

Charlie sat up and tilted her head. "Why do you look like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're in pain or something."

I sighed and stood up, the smell of vanilla lavender fading away the further I got from her. "I just..." trailing off, I was unsure how to explain my thoughts to her. I looked past her and gazed absently at the wall.

Last night, Charlie was in a vulnerable state and I took advantage of her. If I truly loved her, I would protect her from me.

I cleared my throat and said, "I think last night was a mistake."

She stared at me and blinked twice before jumping off the bed, taking the blankets with her. With bright red cheeks and eyes filled with hurt, betrayal and anger, she wrapped the blanket tightly around her naked body. "You...what?"

I felt like a fucking dick, but it was for the best - wasn't it?

Picking up her clothes that were scattered about, I walked around the bed and held them out to her.  "I think you should leave. I can drive you to my parents' house if you want - I think Karla is there. "

She glared at me for a second before grabbing her clothes and glasses and walking out of the room without so much as a fuck you. My chest constricted and I stared at the empty space she was just standing.

What the hell was wrong with me?  Was hurting her now any better than hurting her later?

I pulled my pants on and followed her out of the bedroom. When I found her in the bathroom, she just finished putting on her shirt. I reached out toward her and said, "Charlie-"

"Don't touch me!" She pulled away and when she looked up, her eyes shone with unshed tears.

Dropping my arm, I shifted my weight onto my other leg and said, "I wasn't lying last night, Charlie - I do love you."

She scoffed.

"I do," I said with full conviction. "But I'm..." I didn't want to sound like a big wuss, but I figured honestly would be my best bet. Sucking up my pride I admitted, "I'm scared."