Someone to Love

-12-

Lunch was a ham and cheese sandwich with a fruit cup and stale chips. I didn't even complain about the food anymore. There was nothing else to eat in here, so I just ate and tried not to think about how the kitchen could have possibly been super unsanitary.

Nicky came over and decided to sit with Janae, Poussey, and me. "I have no one to talk to now." she mentioned as she sat down. "So, I decided to come over and hang out with you guys, eh?"

"Chapman left this morning?" Poussey asked.

"Yeah."

I rolled my eyes and finished my lunch. Once I finished, I stood and said, "I'm going to go back to the library."

"I'll go, too." Poussey offered.

"No, no. Stay. You're fine. Enjoy the rest of lunch. I'm just going to go finish that book I found last week. I'll see you in there in a little while." Before she could protest, I took my tray and dumped it and quickly walked out of the cafeteria.

I was upset to say the least. I missed my family, too, but that didn't mean that I just got to leave from this hellhole for forty-eight hours. I missed my friends, my brother, my dads. I actually missed them. I hated them for not being here. I hated myself for hating them. After all, I was in here because obviously people thought I was a killer. I wasn't. I was just a confused young woman who didn't deserve to be in here. I never did anything illegal. I might have partied a lot, but I never did anything that would put me in here.

I was thinking about this when the mustached CO that was yelling earlier came striding down the hallway. I stayed to the right, but he crossed the hallway and started walking on my side. Not wanting to start anything, I crossed back over to the left, but he followed. This continued until I was standing right at him. I held my head down slightly as to not look him in the eye. Out of my peripheral, I saw him crack a smile. When he opened his mouth, the smell of a man who hadn't used a toothbrush in a week came right at me. It took everything in me not to release everything in me.

"Inmate, what is your name?"

"Bernard, sir." I muttered.

"Inmate, I asked you your name."

"Bernard, sir." I said louder.

"First name, Bernard."

"Katrina, sir. Katrina Bernard."

"Ka-tri-naaaa." he said, twisting a lock of my hair and elongating my name. "Hm, well if you need anything, like a, um, tour or something of the facility, you come find me, alright?"

"Sure. Permission to leave now, sir?"

"Where are you going?"

"The library."

"Oh, a reader. I like my girls smart and pretty. And with nice tits." he placed his hand on my boob and gave a quick squeeze. Instinctly, I swatted his hand away. "Ooh, you're a jumpy one, I see. I got some stuff that can really help you out with that."

"Stuff?" I scoffed.

He leaned down some to put his disgusting mouth even closer to my ear. "Whatever you need, sweetheart. Meth, Coke, Weed. I can get it."

I scoffed again. "Yeah, and how do you suppose I hide being a high-ass train wreck from any other CO?"

He quickly straightened up and started yelling at me. "Are you getting smart with me, inmate? I should write you a shot right now!"

"Hey, Katrina, what's going on?" I heard Poussey's voice from behind me.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Moustache-freak yelled, "Washington, you should probably let Bernard here know that we have rules here. Like not talking back to a CO."

"Yes, sir," I spat. "It won't happen again."

"Move along, then, inmate."

I sidestepped him and strode down the hallway towards the library. Poussey caught up and demanded that I tell her what happened.

"It was nothing. He was being a creep, that's all."

"Yeah, but what did he say?"

"Poussey, it was nothing. Just drop it, alright?"

"Alright, fine."

We walked back in the library and went back to work as usual. I found my book and curled up in the corner to read. I was still sitting there a couple hours later when it came close to quitting time. One of the obvious methheads came up one of the aisles and hissed at Poussey who was on the other side of the shelf.

"Hey, hey!" the ice blond methie hissed.

Poussey looked up. "What?"

The methie slid something across the empty shelf.

"What is this for?" Poussey asked.

"You got cigs, right?"

"What?"

"Cigs. Cigarettes. Come on. The word is that if I bring stamps, I can get cigarettes."

"Who told you that?"

"Well, I heard that Vee was-"

"Look, I have nothing to do with her, alright?" Poussey tossed the stamps back through the opening. "So take your shit and get out."

"Geez, why you gotta be so mean?" the skinny blond methhead slinked away.

"Hey, P." I called quietly.

"What?"

"What's that about?"

P's tired face peeked around the corner. "I have no idea, but I really don't care to find out." she stopped then. And smiled. "You look adorable sitting down there."

I felt my face turn red. Looking down back into my book, I tried to refocus my attention on the words instead of Poussey.

Quitting time came too soon, but I decided to stay in the library and finish my book. Poussey insisted on staying with me, but I knew she really just wanted to find Janae or Nikki and find something interesting to do. So I sent her away with a tender kiss on the lips and a promise to see her at dinner.

I was nearly done with the colossal book I found when a pair of shoes came into my peripheral. I looked up to see that girl named Taystee.

I didn't want to speak, but I went with, "Um, hi?"

"What's up with you and P?"

"I don't know if that's your business or not."

"Who are you to tell me what's my business or not when it comes to Poussey? We may not be on good terms right now, but I've known her for a long time now."

"So you're trying to get me to tell you abouour relationship because you're her friend? Hm, I didn't know friends could be so mean to each other."

"Look, I just need to know, alright? I don't want Poussey getting hurt by some low-life punk ass bitch."

"Low-life? Excuse me, but I'm fairly certain that selling drugs is frowned upon in this society."

"Look, alright. Just tell me what's going on between y'all and I'll leave you alone. It's that simple."

"How about you just get out of my face?"

She stared at me for a long time before she reached down and grabbed a handful of my hair and tugged as hard as she could. As I yelped, her foot swung and connected with my jaw. She kept kicking me and pulling my hair, alternating between the two until I was a bloody mess.

"Next time, I'll do more." she hushed in my ear.

She threw my head to the ground and I lied there watching her feet walk away until my vision was blinded by the tears, blood and swelling. I couldn't do anything else but lie there and feel every nerve and muscle ache. I was a mess and I knew it. But I couldn't just lie here. I needed to go get cleaned up. I had to go and fix my face before dinner. No one could know about this.