Being

I never had a guyfriend all through my school life let alone a boyfriend but……on a second thought, I think I could say I had a few guyfriends…. only they were my brother’s friends. They were the only guyfriends I had during high school and they are the only guyfriends, I still have. They are a group of really cool people and once they had this amateur band of their own called “The Creeps” and though their songs weren’t that extraordinarily brilliant,I enjoyed listening and watching them practise in the silent basement of our house and besides they were really nice to me. They even confided in me all their trade secrets and that was a really big deal to me; I had almost become a part of their troop and though I didn’t honour them  with anything  more than my non-existent physical presence,it really meant a lot to me,to just get to hang out with the coolest people I ever knew.

Coming to the description of the basement,I remember this one particular day when my brother and his friends were as usual practising and the bay windows were pulled high open. Generally no sunlight comes in on a normal day and the basement is under darkness most of the time but that day,when I had looked at the sky,I had found its shimmering blue colour floating across to us. The sky had been crystal clear, smudged with tiny pecks of cloud in the corners and yet the sunlight had filtered in furiously and from where I had been sitting on a rickety old stool,watching them perform, with a plate of oreos on my hand,I could only make out there silhouttes swaying in the rhythm of the warm wind against the backdrop of bright sunlight pouring into the basement from all possible directions. It had downed all my senses and now it is one of the happiest memories locked in my mind almost like an old familiar photograph which still stood out amongst all the other pictures,regardless of the time,it’s been there.

Whenever I happen to think of it,I am reminded of home a lot and since my brother is now away,finishing up his studies someplace else, I often think of this piece of memory and it never fades away,never changes. That’s when I wonder that afterall somethings do remain permanent! I miss him a lot these days and though I never thought I would have admitted this,especially never in his presence,I want him to come back home as soon as possible.

Not having a boyfriend is no more a major issue because I discovered that there are a lot of other things to do and ,I didn’t want to miss them out. When I was in school,I used to think that having a boyfriend was all that mattered and though it’s now that I realize what a dolt I was to think so,I never really understood what actually mattered.

I am a freshman in college and I started being one just a few days back. All my friends left the town to study out and somehow this has always bugged me. I miss them a lot and I want them to come back home just like my brother. Nothing is same without them! The t.v shows we used to love watching together,while monotonously gobbling up popcorn with our eyes glued on the tv,never failing to pass those glib remarks about a funny scene,is no more enjoyable to watch. Everything had suddenly turned stale.

I don’t watch my favourite shows anymore but I still read my books and that’s the only time when I can be delusional without worrying about stuffs. The latest book, I read which I finished just last night is “Never Let Me Go” by Kazuo Ishiguro. It’s a big inspiraion and the reason why I started writing this.

At this point, I should mention that I am majoring in literature and that’s something I had always wanted to do from the beginning eventhough I never admitted it directly. I still have no solution through my vocational problems and I don’t know what I want to grow up and become. Oh wait! I am already grown up. Well I still don’t know what I want to do. But I love my subjects and here I want to actually be slightly cynical because not many people,here pursue literature,they talk about it disdainfully and I still get those strange looks when I tell them that I am literature student but I have learnt long ago not to strain over such judgemental cretins because at the end of the day,they are never going to know what I want.