Where do i start. I arrived at school today to find everyone bursting out in tears or tears already streaming down their face. The weird thing was is that most of them hated each other. The tears these girls were cry were full of true hurt, sorrow and pain and grief. At first when i found out what happened i didn't believe them, i couldn't. I ended up sliding suddenly down a wall then bursting into tears like everyone else. It finally came to me, it was true. Everyone else with tears streaming down their faces feeling the same way i did.
I felt confused, angry, sad, sorrow, greif, depressed, misrable and guilty. I thought it was my fault. My fault she wasn't here anymore. Kelsey had passed on to a better place. Kelsey was going to come to my house on wednesday, as she was home alone. But she didn't come to school. I though she must just be relaxing or sick at home. Then i come to school today and find out she has passed. What do i do now. I ran to my friends and make sure there okay.
By now we were all in the front room in the office. All of us girls just crying our hearts out, with a box of tissues in one hand and the other holding onto a best friends hand. After a while sitting in that room it was time to leave and head to the school chapel. I spent all day there. I couldn't go back to class. Even sitting here writting this there are tears streaming down my face. Just the feeling of even being at school were she used as her get away from home, was enough to send tears down my face again.
I worried all day about everyone else. Gabbie, Ryan, James and everybody else. I had no idea what to feel, what to say as i knew that no good would ever come out of this. By the end of the day about 30 different people had gone home. I didn't care what i looked like today. I knew that my eyes would be bright red, mascara all down my face. I new that others would look exactly the same and thats why i didn't care.
But then i realized there was no more water coming out of my eyes i had cryed as much as i possible could and then realized now is the time to find some good out of this. I thought to myself at least shes happy now and in a better place.
I miss her so much and the fact that i didn't even say goodbye like i did every other day made it worse. But she's happy now is what i keep telling myself.
