Pills 'N Potions (for Christine)

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I’m angry, but I still love you

Glancing up from the almost drained drink in your hand you watched as your best friend, Emily, threw her head back in laughter after narrowly tripping over the in table. She’d been like this the entire night, you losing track of the number of drinks she consumed after she nearly bit your head off after you tried to cut her off. 

"It’s nice out here isn’t it?"

Focusing your attention on the man in front of you, you quickly nodded before giving him a smile.

Truth was, it wasn’t really.

It was New Years Eve in Manhattan, which meant you were freezing your ass off at party with people you didn’t really want to welcome the year in with. In fact, the only person you liked was Emily and you weren’t really her biggest fan at the moment. 

For months the plan had been to take off work and spend New Years with Kit and his friends in LA, but after things were broken off all of your mutual plans fell through. He cleaned his things out of your loft, not bothering to talk to you since.

Maybe it had to do with the fact you threw a box of his clothes out of your window on the tenth floor, or told him not to call you but still…he actually never called. You’d think by now guys would figure out that you actually meant for them to call when you say that.

"So you’re here by yourself?" Greg asked, or was it John?

Either way you weren’t sure, and were too irritated and drunk to try and figure it out.

"Yeah," stopping to finish your fifth drink, you held up the empty glass as evidence. "Need a refill."

"Alright" he called after you as you grabbed your bag before starting across the roof. "I’ll be here."

Barely stopping to sit your glass on the refreshment table, you head to the door before starting down the steps.

You knew you should’ve stopped to say bye to Emily but the truth was you needed to get out of there, and as far away from your apartment before the stroke of midnight.

It was just a year ago that you stood atop of that same roof, trying to get your hand back from everyone around you long enough to look at the newly placed ring upon it.

Memories from that night came rushing back as you made your way down the steps, your mind not seeming to process that you were twenty four flights above the lobby. The party full of all your friends and family, the feeble lie you accepted from your mom thinking she really just wanted to spend New Years with her only daughter, and the too quick yet eagerly accepted marriage proposal that followed.

The next months that followed seemed to be filled with two people you didn’t even recognize. You and Kit turned into two people who almost seemed to resent just the sight of each other. He pushed you away for trying to take his proposal as the “go ahead” to move the relationship further, and you for the time he spent with his costar Alyssa. In the end, your engagement only lasted four months before you called it off.

To say you were actually still hung up on him might be a little exaggerative, just a little. It wasn’t like you still cried yourself to sleep at night because you oddly missed him, no that had stopped months ago. But you still did find yourself wondering where you two went wrong, occasionally as you watched a couple pass you on the street or sitting across from you in Starbucks.

Of course you’d gone dating, mainly to pass the time or to get Emily and your mom off your back but there was always that void deep inside. And that bothered you the most.

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