A Love to Kill

Part Twenty

I almsot cried while writing this. And since it was during school that was a rather awkward moment. Haha. Please comment because I'm dying(no pun) to know what you think of this part!!!!!

Rodger looked at his clock and realized that it was two in the morning. Damn it. There was no way they were going to let him in the hospital. Oh well. He decided to go home, take a shower, nap for a bit, and hopefully when he came back Dawn would still be asleep. Thinking it over, he figured that it was probably a good idea, especially since there were specks of blood on his shirt and pants that may look a little different than ketchup. As he drove home he tried to keep his mind empty. He tried not to think about the gun resting in the car. He tried not to picture himself reaching over and grabbing that gun. But it came anyway. And the image was so tempting. He just wanted to end it all, and embrace eternal darkness. He was sick of life. Besides, his life was already over. Soon Houston would handcuff him and he'd surely be on death row for his crimes. That image made him shiver, and close his eyes from the pain. He couldn't stand going through that. And no-one would declare him insane. He had been to enough psychologists to know that he was sane, or at least not mad in a way that they could sense. Besides, he couldn't think of a worse prison that a mental hospital. The thought made his nose wrinkle in distaste. 

Then he snapped back to reality once Dawn floated into his mind. She was waiting for him. He could see here sitting there, dying, waiting day after day while he had selfishly killed himself, without even having the proper decency to kill her, as he promised. The thought was too horrible, too heartbreaking. He couldn't abandon her. He was shocked that the thought of leaving her even reached his brain. Perhaps a good night's sleep would help. Rodger walked in the door, entered his room, and stripped until he was nude. He collapsed on his bed, and surprisingly, fell asleep, something he didn't expect with all of his confusing thoughts.

In the morning, Rodger stretched his arms into the air lazily, and strangely, everything seemed normal. He couldn't remember when his life felt this normal. It was as if Dawn, killing Billy, and everything else that had happened lately was simply a dream. Rodger blinked, looking around for some sort of evidence that Dawn ever existed. Now, oddly, he was starting to feel anxious. Could this all be a dream? Was it possible? He knew that it was not a dream, but looking around, he couldn't see any proof that there was a Dawn. Rodger turned on the old computer, tapping his foot nervously.

His nerves settled at once when he saw the emails she had sent him. He read a few of them quickly, unable to believe that there was a time where Dawn was only a part of his life, or not at all. She had always been an obsession for him since the second he saw her, but what he felt for her now was completely different. It was so much more deliciously intense. Rodger, remembering the ill girl awaiting his arrival, clothed himself, and drove to the hospital.

Once he arrived at the hospital, one of the orderlies stopped him. He had seen her a few times-he had probably seen all the staff a few times, as they could all recognize him.

"I'm sorry." She told him. "Only family can visit right now."

"I'm Dawn's husband." He snarled fiercely, his eyes daring her to argue with him. He'd butcher anyone and everyone that tried to stop him from seeing his Dawn.

She looked him up and down, then let him go. It was obvious that Rodger was not Dawn's husband, but she was smart enough not to cross him on it. Perhaps, as well, it was a small gift to someone whose love was dying a slow painful death. Either way he was grateful to the orderly and quickly walked to Dawn's room.  Unfortunately, she was awake, but didn't appear lucid. Rodger silently held Dawn's hand. She didn't look very well today, and a few hours later the doctor gave her a small shot of morphine. She felt too sick to talk-only vomit-so Rodger could only hold her hand and comfort her silently. Seeing her like this caused his stomach to tie itself into twisted knots. Here she was, dying in agony, yet Rodger refused to relieve her of it. He was a sadistic monster even when he wouldn't kill.