Silence, a deep silence around me. Everything around me is so familiar that I don´t even pay attention. There´s a Tic-Tac sound making me know that I’m still here, that I haven´t disappeared yet, that I’m not a shadow.
Lonelyness hugs me with such a strong squeeze that I can hardly breathe. I can´t hear any more the rain pouring down, the wind blowing or the waves braking. There´s nothing.
I start to think how I have gotten to this situation. In what point of my life I have fallen so deep that the idea of looking up is simply ridiculous.
Who am I? Where am I? Those are questions that I stopped asking myself long time ago, of wich I have no interest in knowing the answer.
I look up and I see my own reflexion, and I don´t recognise de person that´s in front of me. That vitality that was present in my life faded like the light of a lamppost in a dark winter night. I only see an expressionless face without a name, and in my conscience appears a feeling of terror of reality. There is no way out.
I leave home with a huge weight in my pocket. I don´t know where I’m heading to or where I’m going. My empty body walks for no reason and I realise that I have ended up in a park and I’m observing everything around me.
I see children playing and teenagers together and immediately I envy them. I hear there laughter, I watch them running, and I see there unconcern of what life really is. That happiness almost inexhaustible that you feel when you´re young... Having everything in you´re life.
In that moment is when my restlessness increases and more I believe that my life is empty. I hardly remember the last time y smiled or even kissed. There is only darkness inside of me, a terrifying darkness where you can hear the echo of a voice asking to be saved, but it´s too late.
I keep feeling heavier and heavier the object that´s placed in the pocket of my jacket, like if it wanted to draw attention in some way. Without realizing, sometime has gone by and I’m all alone in the park viewing a beautiful twilight, and as I watched that beautiful moment I thought it was time. I don´t have to stand this anymore, or do I? Should I reconsider everything? Keep looking for that light that will lighten up the darkness inside me?
I take out the weapon that has followed me for the last few years and I think if this is the best way out. Is it loaded? I suppose she will be the one that chooses my destiny. I aim to the head having like my last possible image that beautiful sundown, I slowly smile, and I pull the trigger.
