Listen, Obey

9. Ninth Lesson

The white tiles seemed to undulate underneath me, and the light was so bright that when I closed my eyes, I could pretend I was lying on a beach, basking in sunlight. It was a much nicer thought than driving myself insane over what was happening with Matthews.

I knew I couldn’t be mad at him; he hadn’t really done anything.

A soft knock on the door pushed me right out of my thoughts.

Lisa.

It had to be hee; I couldn’t bear meeting someone else right now. Few knew I lived here, in fact, she and Matthews where the only ones who knew, probably. Hopefully.

The floor was slippery beneath my feet, or perhaps I was sluggish from lying there too long. I slipped anyhow, and had to catch the sink to keep me from falling.

The knock came again, and I knew by the sound that it was Lisa. I wondered why she’d used a different knock the first time. Shaking my head to get rid of the dizziness, I made my way out through the living room all the way the front door without falling over.

She knocked again just as I was about to unlock it.

“Hey,” she said. Something was different with her, but I didn’t know what it was. She almost looked embarrassed, but that couldn’t be true. I’d never seen her embarrassed in front of me before.

“Hey,” I replied, mostly to get rid of the tension between us. Normally she would have given me a warm hug in greeting, so now when she didn’t, everything was a tad more awkward than usual.

“I’m sorry.”

I frowned. I hadn’t expected an apology, but then again, she had led Matthews here. Once that realization settled, I was angrier with her than I’d ever been before. I was so angry that I wanted to kick her out of the apartment. I knew I was being unreasonable, but the anger welled up from nowhere.

“You’re not sorry at all,” I spat.

“Jeez, Ethan.” She arched her eyebrows. “What’s up with you? Don’t tell me you’ve relapsed.”

That was probably the most insensitive thing I’d heard her say, ever, and it did nothing to calm me down. My blood raced in fury, tightening my muscles until I thought I would take a leap at her.

She must have seen the anger in my eyes, because she backed off all the way to the wall across the hallway. Then I saw her eyes flit to the side, as if she was looking at someone I couldn’t see.

She nodded, and I’d never felt so betrayed in my life. She had someone there to pick me up and take me back to the clinic. I took a step backwards, wary of getting cuffed by policemen who liked to manhandle people a little more than what was called for.

Matthews became visible in the doorway, and I flipped. That was the only way to describe it. The fury and sense of betrayal only increased, and before I had the time to think another thought, I was throwing myself at him, fists clenched and ready to nail him to the wall outside.

It didn’t happen the way it was supposed to. While I was flying through the air, he simply side-stepped, caught me by surprise and hugged me into his hard chest. I could have punched him in his sides, but I didn’t.

There wasn’t a logical explanation to why I suddenly went still in his arms, or at least I couldn’t think of one. He was warm, and that warmth seemed to soak up every little feeling I had. I grew numb. Right there and then.

One of his arms left me, he shifted his weight a little, and then I heard the door slam shut. It should have been a scary sound, but it wasn’t.

“I’m so angry at you right now,” I said, but it sounded pitiful.

“I know you are. Just calm down; I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Why are you doing this?”

One of his hands started to stroke my back. I didn’t want to admit it, but it felt good—just as it had when he stroked my hair.

“You need it.”

“No.”

“Don’t lie.”

I didn’t answer that, because yes, it was a lie.

“Let’s make a deal.”

My body stiffened. I didn’t like the sound of that. Deals led to bad things in most cases, all cases for me as a matter of fact.

“What kind of deal?” I was too curious for my own good.

“I know you need a lot of stability, and I also believe you need time to focus on good things rather than bad things. I’ve offered you a job already, and the deal is for you to come with me and check it out. If you don’t feel comfortable, you won’t have to do it.”

I thought about Sam and the debt. I needed a job. In fact, I was in desperate need of one. Was I stupid to say no?

“What kind of job is it?”

“Lisa is going to knock on the door in a bit and bring someone I want you to meet. If you like her, and if she likes you, the job is yours.”

“You’re not making sense.”

A soft knock held back any answer I might have gotten to my question. Matthews let me go and nodded towards the door. Apparently it was my call whether to open the door or not.

“I want you to babysit my daughter, so please be gentle when you open.”

I stared at him in confusion. He couldn’t be serious. Who in their right mind would trust me with their child?

My mouth turned dry, but for some reason I felt the need to open. Lisa’s eyes were wide as saucers when she opened, clearly worried about how I would react. A young girl, perhaps five or six years old, hid behind Lisa’s legs.

“I’m not ready for this,” I said.

“Daddy!” the girl squeaked and launched herself in Matthews’ direction. He scooped her up in his arms and from there she stared at me. “Who’s this, Daddy?” Her smile was hesitant at first, but I couldn’t help but smile back, which made hers widen.

“This is Ethan. I want you two to be friends.”

“Why Daddy?”

“Well, I like him, and thought you would like him too.”

Her gaze shifted to me. “Hi Ethan.”

I melted, right there on the spot. She was adorable.

“Hi, what’s your name?” I asked.

“Tilia.”

“That’s a beautiful name.”

“Daddy picked it!”

I smiled as she gave Matthews a kiss on his cheek. He returned a smile to her that was out of this world. He seemed different like this, and I forgot to be afraid. Perhaps I could do this; perhaps I could babysit; perhaps I could try.