My body felt stiff from being unused. My mind foggy from being asleep, a very long sleep. I squeezed my eyes closed tighter. It was way too bright for my liking. I could hear my wolf whimpering in the back of my mind. She had curled into herself, her cried muffled by her fur. I wondered briefly why that was until everything came rushing back. A deep ache settled in my chest, right where my heart used to be. Rene took my child away from me. A child I didn’t even know about, one I had never met.
A sob tore from my throat, my body bolting upright in the bed. I clutched at my flat stomach, my eyes blurred by the tears that had begun to fall. Why? Why did this happen? It was my fault, all of it. If I hadn’t told Cain and Eric to wait outside none of this would have happened. My arms wrapped themselves around my body, like I was trying to hold myself together. I was, really. If felt like if I let go, I would crumble. Not like it was doing much good since I could feel myself falling apart.
The door slamming against the wall broke my conversation with my wolf. I looked up through tear filled eyes to find Cain standing there. He looked – for lack of a better term – crap. His hair was a mess, his clothes wrinkled, dark circles under his eyes. Sad eyes.
“Kaila,” he breathed, dropping to his knees in front of me. His arms wrapping around my waist, his face buried in my lap. “I’m so sorry,”
My arms fell to my sides, tears continued to stream down my face. They were just left over tears though, I was numb. I couldn’t hear my wolf any more, couldn’t feel her. It was like she gone, even though I knew she wasn’t. Cain pulled back and looked into my eyes. I couldn’t take it, I couldn’t look him in the eyes. Turning my face away from him, I looked out the window that was to my right. Everything outside was white. The snow had finally settled and painted the outside world white. That should have made me happy, excited. It didn’t. It was like my emotions were shut off.
“Say something, please” Cain pleaded
“It’s not your fault” I said. My voice void of any kind of emotion.
It wasn’t his fault. None of this was. It was mine. I was the one who had to go and be stubborn. I was the one who just had to go into the room alone. It was me who made they stay outside. All me. If it wasn’t for me none of this would have happened. I shifted out of his arms and scooted back until I hit the head board. I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Cain was still knelt at the foot of the bed, his hands laid loosely on the edge. Closing his eyes, he stood.
“Your parents are here and they want to see you.” he whispered before disappearing out the door.
I waited, looking out the window. I didn’t understand how anyone could want to see me. If I was them, I wouldn’t want to see me. Because of my need to do things on my own, I had lost a child. I felt like the worst kind of person out there. That was about all I was feeling.
“Oh, honey” my mom cried running into the room. “It’s all going to be alright.” Her arms wrapped around my shoulders.
“We’re all here for you” my father said sitting on my other side and rubbing soothing circles on my back.
I love my parents, I really do. But, I didn’t want or need the comfort. I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my misery. That was probably going to be damn hard considering who my friends and family were.
