Hidden Attraction

Chapter Thirty-Five.

Chapter Thirty-Five.

             When morning came I thought I was dreaming. The birds were chirping in the near distance and I was in one of Justin’s sweatshirts he had packed completely snuggled up next to him and when my eyes opened to settle on his face I thought I might just cry. Things were so peaceful right now and it’s like for a moment the world stopped and it was just him and I in this moment and nothing could ruin us. If only we could stay in this little sanctuary of a field for the rest of our lives and if only I could just stop time and watch him sleep I would. His mouth was slightly opened and his arm was draped around my body, the heavy blankets completely on top of us.

            I didn’t feel different or anything. When I heard my friends talk about losing their virginity – like Kylie for instance – she told me it was so awkward and that it hurt like hell. The hurt part might be a little bit true but overall it was the best night of my entire life and if anything I felt whole or completed somewhat. Nothing has ever felt so right and to know that I don’t know when I’m going to see him again feels like a knife just got pressed through my entire chest because in a perfect world we could just go right back to my house and it would be like it used to. We could be all secretive and make out in my bedroom and nobody would know. Those were the good days and I can’t even fathom how much has happened over such little time. It’s insane.

            Not being able to take it any longer, I pressed my lips against his and started to laugh when he slowly started to awaken and smiled. I was self-conscious because I haven’t even brushed my teeth or anything and I’ve never exactly woken up to a boy before but he was the perfect thing to wake up to and honestly it made my morning all the better.

            “I must be dreaming.” He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Look at you.”

            Then I blushed like crazy because that’s all I ever seem to do around him and I can almost guarantee I don’t look good in any way. My hair was most likely a wreck and my eyeliner felt like it was smeared a little too. He’s insane.

            “I think you’ve lost your mind. I don’t look-“

            “Sh.” He said, pulling me closer to him. “I don’t want to hear it.”

            We were silent for a little while after he said that and the peacefulness of this field started to disintegrate and it began to turn into a sad scene out of some sappy movie that makes you cry. I had to leave soon and I know that I did because Kylie can’t lie forever and my parents are expecting me home for breakfast like they always do on Sunday’s. Justin knew it too because he let out a sigh and ran his hands over his face.

            “Hey.” I whispered, gently removing his hands. “It’s okay Justin.”

            “How is this okay Lyss? This is the first time I’ve seen you in what feels like fifteen years and now you have to up and leave and I have to go right back to how I used to be without you and I can’t do that. I honestly don’t think I can mentally go through that again.”

            “Then don’t Justin. I know that we’re in some messed up shit right now and I know you’re risking a lot for me by being here but please just don’t stay away from me for that long again. I need to see you and please tell me you agree because after last night I can’t just forget about you and I can’t just pretend that-“

            The tears began to flow freely and I inwardly cursed myself for always getting so damn emotional but I can’t help it. He just took my virginity last night and it sounds stupid but it just made me that more attached to him if that was even possible. I felt more exposed than I ever have with anyone in my entire life and if he wanted to continue to stay out of my life I just wouldn’t know what to do with myself.