Awakening to Life

Awakening to Life 10

Chapter 10

"Hey honey," Mum says in a soft voice as she strokes my cheek. My eyes flutter open and I turn my head to see my mum sitting in the chair beside my bed. Looking around for Dad and Josh I realise that they're not in the room.

"Take it slow sweetie..." Mum orders in a kind voice when she sees me looking around the room. There are no new additions to it so I hope I haven't been out of it for very long.

And then I remember.

Jayden!

I gasp and struggle to sit up. The sudden movement causes mum to alarm and push the button that summons the nurse. She pushes me back into the bed as I continue to fight to get out and go find Jayden.

I have to explain. He'll be so angry at me.

"Shush, shush... calm down Allie. You'll have time later."

My voice is raspy when I try to speak, whether a result of my unconsciousness or crying I don't know.

"What happened?" I ask. "How long have I been unconscious?"

"Not long," she replies quickly and soothingly. "A few hours. They wanted to check for any damage while you were unconscious but you were perfectly healthy." She smiles, evidently ecstatic at the good news. Her happiness seems to fade as she realises what she said. I'm not perfectly healthy.

"Don't ever do that to us again, ok? We were so scared Allie! We thought you may have had to go in for brain surgery and you wouldn't have been able to survive that! You could have died during an operation today!" she says firmly.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, my eyes filling with tears - again. "I didn't mean to hurt myself or you."

I blink rapidly in a desperate attempt not to cry. I can't seem to stop myself. I never used to cry so often, unless it was a sad movie or book. I thought having cancer would make me tougher and braver, so that I wouldn't be upset or angered so easily. But I cry when I'm having a bad day, or I get bad news, or when the guy I like discovers I've been lying to him the whole time we were friends.

"I know sweetheart, I know." She starts to stroke my hair again, brushing it away from the dampness of my eyes and cheeks.

"Did Jayden leave? Have you seen him?" I ask, my voice shaking as I attempt to brace myself for the answer.

"No honey. He'll come to his senses though. He'd be silly to let a girl as special as you slip between his fingers."

She smiles at me, the edges of her lips lifting slightly so that I know that it is genuine. She struggles, always expecting the worst while never being ready when it hits, but in this moment she is my protective, loving, perfect mother again - the one that will keep anything that may harm me away. Like when I was four and I was scared of the large dog next door, or when I was six and I was scared of falling out of bed. Things changed when I was diagnosed... she couldn't fix cancer after all.

"How are you feeling now?"

I stretch out my limbs within the bed and lift my head slightly, it throbs slightly. "Fine - I'm ok."

"That's good." She pauses, searching my face. "You father and Josh are downstairs in the cafeteria. I'm going to go get them, ok? Dr Marsden wants to speak to you, to us all. But," she teases with a knowing glance on her face. "Paul is waiting for me to let him come in and check that you're alright."

"Ok." I smile and she leaves quickly, gracefully lifting herself from the low chair and gliding from the room.

Paul. I wonder if he's angry with me. I mean, when I saw him last I was screaming for him to let me go and attempting to hurt him. He has every right to hate me too.