Louis and I were in yet another argument. The last few days it's like he finds ways to upset me. Like he gets a thrill out of us yelling and screaming.
The fight we were having at the moment was about rumors. About how me and Harry fucked around when Louis visited his mum last weekend. About how Louis and some girl named Julia have been hooking up, pictures were everywhere. It was all getting to my head.
"Louis! Our relationship is falling apart!" I yelled in reply to him. "Maybe it wouldn't be, if you could see past this. You told me when we got together you'd be able to handle the glare of publicity. I don't even know why i believed you for a second, you can't even handle presenting a project at uni." Louis' voice wasn't loud. But his words hit me like a ton of bricks.
How could he say that? I try my best in this relationship, but he seems to let it slowly slip through his fingers.
I knew it'd happen. I never understood why he wanted me in the first place. I'm useless. He doesn't want me, if he still loved me he would fight for me. Not leave me here to drown in my thoughts.
"Cause now i'm breaking at the britches and the end of all your lines." I sang quietly to myself as i ran a bath for myself. I need to calm down, my thoughts are trying to overpower me.
I've been thinking about it for awhile. I think i will.
I shut the faucet off, and turned up my music player. If i was leaving, i would want to leave peacefully. I took the bottle of advil out of the cabinet. Pouring them on the sink. I counted about twenty. I set them aside and walked to the kitchen to get some water.
I took one last look at the apartment. Whispering a "goodbye" as i placed a small note on the island in the middle of the kitchen.
I didn't notice that i was crying until two tears had slipped off my cheek and onto the hard-wood flooring beneath my feet.
I took a good look in the mirror. Analyzing the peice of shit i was. Pointing out every flaw, all the reasons why Louis' love for me has slipped away.
I didn't want to leave only because of Louis, lately i've lost everyone. The girls i thought of as my bestriends, they all hate me now. So what's the point of living, if i have no one to live for.
My hand found it's way to the pile of pills, picking up two and rolling them around like dice. I threw them down my throat. Not even taking a swig of water.
I grabbed the third pill and stuck it on my tongue, taking a big sip of water. "Y/n!" That familiar British accent rang through the house. He had to hear my music blaring, who wouldn't?
I turned around and took a look at how my mascara and eyeline was all down my face. My hair was sticking up in all directions. I swallowed the third pill and placed another on my tongue, and filled my mouth with more water.
The door slammed open and it took no longer than 20 seconds for Louis to realize and put together what i was doing, between the pills on the sink, and the makeup all down my face, i think he put two and two together.
He grabbed my face and squeezed my cheeks making me spit out the water and the pill on the floor. He smacked the fourth pill out of my hand. His face showed pain and sorrow. I didn't know what to say but cry harder. He reached over and unplugged the music player, making the house grow silent.
"Were you about to.." he trailed off. I cried even harder in response. "Why baby why?" He pulled me closer to his chest. He pulled me into the bedroom and sat me on the bed, crouching in front of me.
"How many pills did you take?" His voice cracked. I didn't anwser, i was at a loss for words. "How many did you take?!" He screamed and shook my shoulders. "Only three Louis i only took three!" I yelled back.
"Oh my god i'm so sorry, were you about to do that because of me?" He now had tears down his face. I opened my mouth to speak, but Louis spoke again. "I'm so sorry i have been such a prick lately. I swear to god things are going to change around here okay? I love you so much y/n i can't even think about losing you like that"
"I love you too" i whispered. He looked me in the eyes and kissed my lips shakily. "Please come to me, if you ever feel like you need to do this again, okay?"
"O-okay Lou." He walked into the bathroom and flushed the pills down the toilet, and came back with a warm, wet wash rag. He whiped the makeup off of my face. "It was a stupid thing to do." I whispered to myself with a blank expression. "No it was stupid of me to be such a dickhead and make you feel like you need to leave this world"
"Louis it wasn't only you. The pressure of everything, our relationship lately is like walking on glass, i've lost all my bestfriends, my family has cut off all ties with me."
"Let's just not talk about this okay, i love you and lets get some shut eye baby." I nodded and Louis tucked me in, and layed down next to me. Pulling me close and not letting go.
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Hola, so i found this halfway written from a long time ago, and i decided to finish it. Tell me what you think, and next is the Zayn pref, so be on the lookout my lovelies. xx
