Almost (KimXi)

29: Between Order and Randomness

This Ain't Goodbye by Train

Maybe we were way too high to ever understand

Baby, we were victims of all

All the foolish plans

We began to divide

But this ain't goodbye

This is just where love goes

When words aren't warm enough

To keep away the cold

Nathan

"She's changed." That was the best I could come up with when Jeremy asked my thoughts on seeing Sam again. He just looked at me and smiled.

"It's been 6 months. Of course, she's different. Everyone is."

"Yeah, but I just didn't expect her to be like that."

"You mean you didn't think she'd be over you yet? You left her. You can't expect her to just wait for you forever, man."

"I guess so."

"Let her go, Nate. You've made your choice. For once in your life, stand up to it."

A part of me is glad to see that she's doing well. There's a big difference from when I saw her last December to this year. She seems so happy, and her smiles are more genuine, just like when I first met her.

I missed that smile.

There's also a part of me that feels sad because she seems to be fine without me. That's selfish, I know. But, it would be stupid to say that I'm completely fine with the fact that she seems to be over me already.

Ever since that day in Palms, I can't seem to stop thinking about her.

Why the hell did I let her go?

* * *

Sam

Pagkatapos ng napakasayang birthday weekend ko, nagsimula na akong iadjust yung routine ko. Nung nakaraang buwan, natanggap ako sa isang prominenteng developer dito sa bansa. Marami silang projects sa buong Metro Manila, at sa katunayan, sila rin ang may gawa ng village nila Ninong Julius. Gusto ko talaga ang mga disenyo ng mga projects nila kaya hindi rin ako nagdalawang-isip na mag-apply.

Masaya naman sa bago kong office, bagong environment, bagong mga tao. Ilang linggo pa lang parang ang dami ko nang natutunan. Ok din naman yung mga katrabaho ko, at yung direct boss ko, sobrang bait. Kahit paano'y sinwerte ako. Hindi mahirap mag-adjust sa totoo lang. Unti unti, nararamdaman kong "I'm where I should be in my life."

And, at this point of time, masaya ako sa mga nagaganap sa akin. Lalo sa aking career.

After nung tambay sa Palms, paminsan minsa'y nagtetext si Nathan sa akin. Nangangamusta. Nagrereply naman ako, pero hindi na kagaya dati. Mostly, sinasagot ko lang din kung anong itatanong niya.

Medyo weird nga kung tutuusin kasi nawala na talaga yung part na gusto kong bumalik siya sa buhay ko na gaya nang dati, pero hindi rin naman to the point na ayoko na siyang makausap completely. Tulad nga ng sabi ko kay Lui, may 10% pa ring hindi nawawala. May pakialam pa rin talaga ako. Na kahit ideny ko sa sarili ko, halata pa rin talagang may maliit na parte na hindi pa totally sumusuko.

"Sure ka ba talaga diyan sa pagusap usap niyo ni Torres? Ha? Baka mamaya uulit na naman kayo? Team Nathan ako, pero sa nangyayari sa inyo, nakakawalang gana siya e."