He's My Cousin!

[Ch.51] Outset of Hostility

[Ch.51] Outset of Hostility

// Ayanna's Point of View

"Hey, Ian. Ano ba?" reklamo ko nang marahang higitin ni Ian ang pulso ko nang makita niya ako sa bukana ng building ng college namin. Kapapasok ko pa lang ay kung saan na ako gustong dalhin nito. Ano bang problema niya?

The next thing I knew, I was sitting right in front of my best friend, Mikaella. She was just sitting there, too, looking back at me. Hindi ko mawari mula sa ekspresiyon niya kung ano ang reaksiyon niya na nasa harap niya ako. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa utak niya. I didn't even know if she was still mad.

I decided not to speak up. When I was the first one to talk yesterday, it seemed I just said the wrong words. Ayoko nang palalain 'yung sitwasyon. I might just say the wrong words again and she might hate me more. I stared at her. Nakita ko namang umupo sina Ian tatlong mesa mula sa amin.

"Aya." Umiwas siya ng tingin sa akin. Sa puntong iyon ay parang may parte sa akin ang nanlumo. We don't fight like this. We have petty fights once in a while, but not like this. I've lost friends from the past, and I ended up pretty well... but with Ella, I couldn't do that. I couldn't lose Ella like how I lost Liz. I couldn't lose my best friend.

"I went to Liz yesterday," panimula niya. Umayos ako nang pagkaka-upo at nakinig lang sa kaniya. I was cautious with my every move. "Si Tita 'yung sumalubong sa akin. Nagulat pa nga siya na nando'n ako. Alam mo kung anong sabi niya sa akin?" Hindi ako umimik.

"Sabi niya, 'Nasaan si Aya? Bakit ikaw lang?' Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot ko." Umiling-iling siya. "No'ng pumasok kami, tinawag niya si Liz. Wala na ngang ka-amour amour si Tita sa kaniya. Nakita ko agad ang tiyan niyang bahagyang lumaki na..." Tumingin siya sa akin. "You know how she treats her only daughter, right? Opposite na no'n ngayon. And it pained me seeing it right in front of me." Habang mas tumatagal ang pagkukwento ni Ella ay mas lalong sumisikip ang dibdib ko.

"Pinagsabihan pa ni Tita na mga tulad daw natin dapat ang kinakaibigan ni Liz." Ngumiti siya nang mapait. "She left me alone with her eventually... and you know what Liz did? She hugged me. So tightly."

"I didn't delve more on what had happened. I didn't even ask who the father is. Kailangan lang niya nang makakapitan. Kailangan lang niya ng kasama. Nang malaman ko pa lang 'yung usapan tungkol sa kaniya ay alam ko nang hindi siya okay. Na kailangan niya tayo. And I was never wrong about it."

Bigla ko nalang naramdaman ang pagtulo ng likido mula sa aking mata. I was with you almost every day, Ella. Hindi mo ba naramdaman na kailangan ko rin ng taong aalalay sa akin? I was at my worst, too. I needed someone, too. Bakit hindi mo nakita iyon? Bakit hindi mo naramdman 'yon? I was with you almost fucking every day... why didn't you see it? Why didn't my best friend know it? Why couldn't you comfort me like you did to her without asking why?

Agad kong pinunasan ang takas na luha sa pisngi ko. "Ella, I don't detest Liz because she got pregnant or because she engaged in pre-marital sex," sabi ko. Alam ko naman kasing iyon ang pagkakaintindi niya.

"I was just being indiffirent because it pains me every time I remember how we lost her. Kung paanong nawala nang parang bula 'yung friendship natin." Masama pa rin ang loob ko kay Liz. At kung talagang kailangan niya kami ay bakit hindi siya ang lumapit? I'm done chasing. I'm done begging people to stay. I understand Liz, but I couldn't return everything just yet. "I'm not mad at her anymore, but I couldn't face her now, Ella. Not yet. And I hope you'll understand me."