Discovering Alice

Chapter 18

“So what do you think?” Cory asks, tugging on my hand. I snap my head over to where he is standing right next to me. I have no clue what he was talking about, and judging from the slightly annoyed expression on his face I’m guessing he’s had to repeat himself already.

“What were you saying?” I try for a sweet smile, so he won’t be annoyed that I didn’t listen. Ever since Brad and I kissed, it’s all I’ve been thinking about. This confused me, because I was technically cheating on Cory. I still hadn’t told him, and I didn’t think it’d be a good thing if I did. Even if it was only a onetime thing, I think Cory would like to know; but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him.

He sighs impatiently. “I was saying that I could drive you over to your house instead of you walking. If you want.” He looks over at me and I notice for the first time that he has a dark shadow under each green eye. I wonder for a few seconds why he wasn’t getting enough sleep.

“Oh, no that’s okay. I was planning on walking home.” I squeeze his hand before letting go and stepping away. Something flashes in his eyes before he smiles back, and I notice that he is freshly shaven.

“If you are sure.  . .I’ll see you later?” Cory questions; and I pretend not to hear the hopeful tone of his calm voice. But right now, it makes me shiver. I feel guilty, but brush it off and nod vigorously. It wouldn’t happen again; I wouldn’t let myself kiss Brad while Cory and I were still together. Even if it felt like we weren’t sometimes.

I walked away quickly, hoping the redness that surely covered the back of my neck would disappear. I hadn’t really thought about what kissing Brad, and liking it, meant. Did it really mean anything? Or was it a moment of weakness? Should I just forget about it? I decide not to worry about it as I make my way closer to my house. The streets are surprisingly empty even though everybody is  usually walking towards the bakery since its Friday and school just got out. When I knock on Ms. Leigh’s door to get Alice, I wonder when the moment I decided I could actually like Brad was. How did I not consciously notice something like that? I felt like I blind-sided myself, and that was a weird feeling.

“Hello Iris.” Ms. Leigh opens the door and I hear little feet running on the wooden floor. I’m not surprised when I feel a weight run into my legs, Alice.

“Hi Ms. L, thank you so much for watching her. I have no idea when my mom will be back.” I send her an apologetic smile as I scoop up Alice in my arms. It was true, mom hadn’t called me in a few weeks and I still haven’t figured out where she went. I didn’t know if she had a job and she was leaving for that, or if she left with a guy. All I knew was that she was paying the rent for the house and I still had money for groceries.

The lady, who had to be at least in her mid 50’s, gave me an odd look. “Why don’t you try calling her?”

I give her a stunned look. “I’m sorry if it’s annoying that I ask you to watch Alice, you could say no.” I have to admit, I am offended. If she didn’t want to watch her for me, then why did she agree? She could say no if she really wanted to.

She gives me a blank stare. “That’s not what I meant. Don’t get offended, she’s not any trouble. Just figure it out.” before I could answer further, she shuts the door. I didn’t mean to snap at her, and I hoped she knew that as I walked next door to our house.

“Cake!” Alice shouts as I unlock the door, she automatically runs to the kitchen where I put the cake on the counter. She couldn’t reach, considering she was still a few inches shorter than the counter. But she did try, and it made me smile that she was so eager. Opening the box, I hand her a slice on a plate and I grab one for myself too. She sits at the table in her little booster seat that she usually doesn’t like to sit in. Her legs dangle, so she waves them back and forth excitedly as she chews on the vanilla flavored cake. I smile at her, proud of the cutie pie she is. As I watch her, I try to remember giving birth to her or any of the nine months I had her inside of me. But I still can’t recall anything, and I start to get a headache from trying. I wondered if that was normal, it didn’t make sense because from what I heard it had been a safe birth. A quick knock saved me from thinking about it further, and I finish the slice quickly before answering it.