When Love Gets Complicated [ A One Direction fanfiction <3 ]

Chapter 74 - Final decisions, Final choices.

 Chapter 74

[ – Rachel’s P.O.V.]

I lay there; my eyes pulled wide open and fixated onto the popcorn ceiling above. The wheels of my mind turning faster then ever, thoughts racing each other and tumbling over one another – it was still all so unclear. The night before was still fresh in my heart and mind. I’d close my eyelids and find myself smiling uncontrollably at the thought of Harry’s reaction from the night before. And then a second later the thought of Zayn’s reaction would prop my eyelids back open and I’d feel my throat narrow to the size of a needle’s eye. I was depressed, stressed, and full of guilt. I felt selfish for putting my feelings over Zayn’s. Even though my heart had lead me to Harry, It still felt incomplete. My mind’s painted scenarios of Zayn were still sending electricity through my body. I’d hoped so badly to have both of them remain in my life, but I also knew I could only love one of them, and that a happy ending to a story like this only existed on TV. I missed Zayn. I wanted to see him again, apologize for breaking his heart, and for not being able to give him all he had given me.

My hands rested on my chest, my heart beating frantically. I was in love with Harry, I chose him. But then why couldn’t I get Zayn out of my head? I pressed my hand hard against my heart. Why did it have to feel for two people? I was hopeless and there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted Zayn back in my life, I did. I wanted him to be my friend and stay with me forever; I was so sure of it. But the way he broke down right in front of me… I would have never expected for that to happen. The way he looked at me when I told him this wasn’t goodbye and that we would still be friends... the look in his eyes frightened me to death. In that half-a-second, as his eyes met mine, I thought of all the times he’d look at me in a way he’s never looked at anyone else. I thought of how his brown eyes would look timeless and full of emotion. They would give me a sense of security. I thought of everything he had done for me. But in that moment, his eyes looked disconnected - as if he had pulled free from me and was just a stranger. He didn’t have to utter a word – his eyes spoke for him. He no longer wanted to be my friend. But I knew I wanted to fight for him, like all of the times he had fought for me. It would be hard and would take some time to adjust to, but I was sure we could do it. And how did Zayn expect to get on with his life without me? I need him, and he needs me. I know he will come back for me. I know he will come back and ask for my friendship again, it’s the one feeling in my heart that I know is for certain.

I heard a groan, and turned to my side… smiling at the only thing that could make me smile at that moment.

Harry stretched his muscular arms above his head as he turned to face me. His emerald green eyes stared at me intently waiting for mine to squint the way they did when I was flustered.

He took his large hand, and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

“Good morning beautiful, feeling better?” He asked me, pulling me closer to him.

I smirked and brushed my hand up his bare torso. He was so warm, so soft. I traced my finger between his abs. “That tickles,” he giggled.

I sighed and he perked his head down to plant a kiss on the top of my forehead. “I guess it’s all just so much. You know?” I said looking up at him. I was glad that Harry was so understanding of all of this and I felt comfort in knowing I could talk to him about it. Most guys would just want to move on, but Harry understood that I needed time to process my decision.

I couldn’t go home, my body was too numb to do anything. Harry was glad to spend our first night as a couple together but all I could do was feel guilty. I tried concealing it because I didn’t want him to think I still had doubt – I didn’t. I was sure I had made the right decision. I just doubted the way I let Zayn know of my decision. I couldn’t quite remember what I had said to him but I kept thinking of what I could’ve said. I didn’t plan to lose him forever.