Humorous Tales and Other Stuff

This is a sampler of my work and my bizarre sense of humor. I put it together for readers to get an idea of stories and for them to determine if they would like to read more. It's been available free of charge on Smashwords since September and has been downloaded hundreds of time. The complete ebook is contained here.

Enjoy

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HUMOROUS STUFF AND YARNS

By Hank Quense

A sampler of his written works

Published by Hank Quense at Smashwords

Thank you for downloading this free book. You are welcome to share it with friends. This book may be reproduced and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

First Publication

Http://hankquense.com

Table of Contents

Forward

GS Midden

Gundarland: an Introduction

MacBeth: the Sequel

Zaftan Entrepreneurs

The Countess of Chutzpah

Fools Gold: Part One

Patience

Jason and the Argonauts

House of Atreus

Tactical Surprise

FORWARD

I'm an author who writes humorous and satiric fiction in the fantasy and science fiction genres. I also write occasionally about fiction writing.

This small volume contains a number of my stories and parts of novels. It was put together as a sampler for those not familiar with my writing and my weird sense of humor. I challenge you to read these stories and selections without laughing.

GS MIDDEN

(Originally published in Afterburn SF, February 2010)

When Rhonda finished gelling her hair, she opened the door of the powder room and heard her Uncle Sid talking to someone.

A tall, dark-skinned woman in a red tunic and short skirt stood in front of a concerned Sid. The woman had an unbelievable figure and her outfit displayed every curve. Rhonda decided she must be a fashion-challenged time-traveler. No woman in today’s Manhattan would ever wear such an outfit. Red was so last century.

Morning sunlight -- filtered by Manhattan's polluted air and the dirty office window -- reflected from the back of Sid’s bald dome.

The woman pointed a weapon at Rhonda. “You are Rhonda Minestra?”

“Who wants to know?” Rhonda replied with a look of disdain.

Instead of answering, the visitor talked into a wrist device. “Captain, I have completed my mission. Please note my efficiency in the ship’s log.” She paused a moment, then continued. “Affirmative. I have apprehended Rhonda Minestra and Sidney Glower.”

“Hey!” Rhonda exclaimed. “What’re you talkin’ about? Apprehended?”

“Silence. Don’t make me use this blaster.” She sneered at Rhonda. “By the way, what happened to your hair?”

“Orange-green spikes are in at the moment. You obviously don't know that, otherwise you wouldn’t have shown up with those grotesque short braids.”

The woman stiffened and glared at Rhonda.

“Do you have a name?” Sid asked.

“I am Lieutenant Yoo-Hoo. I am the Communication Officer on the GS Midden.”

“What’s GS stand for?” Rhonda asked.

“Garbage Scow.”

“That fits.” Rhonda placed a hand over her mouth and giggled. “I can see you shovelin’ garbage.”

Yoo-Hoo glared a Rhonda.

Rhonda glared back. Until her body started to disintegrate.

# # #

Electronic equipment filled the room except for a platform where the three of them materialized. The ship had a strange smell, a combination of something dead masked by an overdose of flowery scent.