Jacked UP!! (Hunter x Hunter: Illumi x OC x Hisoka)

Chapter 03: Kiriko Monsters and Baby Making Love (Without the Baby-Making)

Chapter 03: Kiriko Monsters and Baby-Making Love (Without the Baby-Making)
Written by: DreamerofClouds

***

Illumi was pretty badass.

Since he was young, he knew how to intimidate people – from hacking up criminals to making Milluki piss his pants indefinitely. Sometimes, he scares the living heck out of me too, but…

This was definitely the creepiest he has ever been.

After inserting several long, pointy needles in places I was sure they (definitely) didn’t belong, Illumi managed to change his appearance. His beautiful black hair shrank back into his head and formed an off-blue Mohawk. His pale skin darkened to a burnt suntan. And his cute cat-like eyes turned small and beady…

As an assassin, I was proud of him.

But…

As a girlfriend and future wife, this was definitely something I didn’t want to see in the bedroom at night. So not a turn on for me, I thought, watching my fiancé’s rickety man-swagger. As if he were a broken wind-up toy, Illumi slowly made his way over to me.

“So, Arie,” Illumi said, in his ugly-butt disguise. His voice metallic and hollow, he managed to speak without moving his mouth. “Are you ready to go?”

I couldn’t help but stare at the multiple yellow needle-nubs poking out of his head from various angles. They didn’t look comfortable in the very least; yet, this psycho acted as if it were nothing. Admittedly, I was impressed.

“Ready when you are, dork.” I grinned. Swinging my backpack over my shoulder, I stood up and nodded.

He ignored my nickname for him. With random clicking noises, Illumi raised his arm and patted my head again. “Let’s go then.”

* * *

We began making our way up the hill, towards the cedar tree. It wasn’t too long, though, before I got lazy and asked Gittycrack for a piggy back ride.

After my third attempt, Gittycrack effortlessly pulled me off of him and shook his head. “We shouldn’t act like we know each other, Arie. Have some restraint.”

I pouted. “You’re just being cheap ‘cause you don’t want to carry me!”

“Cheap?” Confused, he tilted his head and gave me that same lost-puppy look he always gave me. “I don’t see how money relates to my ability to carry you.”

Crossing my arms, I sighed irritably.

Of course, he wouldn’t understand my figure of speech. Half the words I communicate with sound foreign to him.

Stupid, clueless…

“Dork,” I muttered, turning away.

“Ha?” Illumi

“Nothing,” I sighed, dejectedly. I really hope things won’t always be like this. After knowing the guy your whole life, you would think he’d finally come to understand you. Then again, Illumi has a thicker head compared to most guys, when it comes to emotions.

Thanks to his messed-up psycho mother, I thought grumpily. I just hope Killua won’t end up as clueless as Illumi. Of course, with that being said, no offense to Illumi.

I felt something grab my hand.

“Da phuucckkk – o – kay…” I yelped, then looked down only to realize that it was Illumi who was holding it. Feeling stupid for the fact that I overreacted and made a weird noise, I looked away. “What was that for?”