Chapter Twenty-Six | Ivy House, April 2006

619 55 8
                                    

Chapter Twenty-Six

Ivy House, April 2006

 

            The quiet hush of night time and trees followed the little family as they walked home, Max fast asleep in his father's arms, head on his broad shoulders.


"He's getting so big," said Charlie affectionately. "He'll be a off to Hogwarts, then a teenager before we know it."


Sonia looked away from her husband and son, hand brushing Charlie's. They had just spent the evening at Andrew and Amara's, and she'd watched Amara move back and forth throughout the evening - and Sonia wondered how she did it. They all knew Amara had wanted more out of life before settling down, knew that she'd done it for Andrew. To keep him - even though Andrew would have waited as long as she needed.

How she could live like that, having had everything within her grasp and then...given it all up. Sonia couldn't understand it and envied the way her sister-in-law seemed to be able to move on. Of course she had had post partum depression after Ella was born, but she had moved on; she'd been fine since Hester's birth, and that had been almost two years ago.


Unlocking the front door, she let Charlie in first, watching him from outside as he went up the stairs to put Max to sleep. The sky was so clear, every star visible without clouds; Sonia craned her neck to the sky and stared.


She had barely moved, and she felt like such a failure. All those years trapped in Hester House with her mother, dreaming of escaping - only to end up five minutes away, even more trapped.


"Sonia?" Charlie stood in the doorway, a gentle look on his freckled face. Sonia didn't know if she would ever tire of that face, no matter how trapped she felt. "Are you coming to bed?"


"I..." she glanced back up at the sky. "Charlie?"


"Yeah?" Charlie was giving her his full attention, as he always had - and always would. Sonia knew she would always have everything Charlie could give her.


"Do you ever just feel so...so empty? As if you haven't done enough?"


Charlie shuffled on his feet. "Um, sure. Of course."


"Really?" she turned to look at him, sceptical. "You seem pretty content to me."


"That's because I am." He said reasonably. "I don't need much more out of life. Comfort, your and Max's health and happiness."


Sonia sighed and pushed past him into the house. "Never mind. Let's go to bed."


"Honey, is something bothering you?"


Gripping her hair, Sonia tried to control the sudden storm in her head. She hadn't been like this in a while, hadn't lost it - she was calm and collected. She was a mother. "You wouldn't get it Charlie."


"I could try -"


"You don't get it." She stressed. "There's this noise in my head and I'm always pushing it away and trying to be my mother and -"


"Trying to be your mother?" asked Charlie, bewildered.


Sonia moaned and rubbed her eyes. "Yes. She was always so perfect and calm, knew how to handle everything that I shot at her - but I keep on realising that I'm just not like her, Charlie. I can't do what she did."


Charlie wracked his brains to try and think of a way to calm her down. He knew she escalated quickly, that she could be screaming in moments - he didn't want to scare Max. "Let's go to bed honey, we can talk in the morning."


"I don't want to go to bed, Charles." She said venomously, pulling away as he reached for her. "I want to stay up late drinking cherry wine with you like when we were younger - before Max, before marriage and responsibilities and before my mother was dead." Her voice was rising, and Charlie looked at her desperetly.


"Sonia -"


"Don't." she warned. "My life has never amounted to what I wanted, it never will -" she was screaming now. "I'll never get to travel or really live the life I have always wanted, always dreamed of."


"What about our holiday last year?" Charlie asked. "That was fun!"


"We were constantly weighed down by schedule, by the fact that we had to come back to our ordinary lives -"


"Sonia, think of Max - how smart he is, how much we love him." He looked sadly at him. "I know you love him."


"I love him, but I've never felt so trapped, Charlie." She cried. "Sometimes I want to just GO."


"Mamma?"


The parents whirled around to see their son, standing in his pyjamas, clutching the white rabbit they'd bought him years ago.

"Max." said Charlie, a little breathless.


Max stared at his parents, tears in his dark eyes; the curls on one side of his head were flattened where he'd been sleeping.

"You want to leave me Mamma?"


Sonia stared at her son for a moment, then rushed over and dropped to her knees, hugging him close.

"No Maxxie." She whispered, stroking his hair. "Never."


"But you said -"


"Never." She said seriously, pulling back and giving him a very stern, serious look. "Mamma promises she will never, ever leave you."


Max nodded slowly, a tear rolling down his round, freckled cheeks. "Okay. I promise too."


"Mamma was just tired, honey." Sonia hugged him again. "You must be tired too. Shall we go to sleep?"


"Can I sleep with you Mamma?" he asked groggily, and Sonia nodded, picking him up.


Later, in bed with the windows in and sweet spring air drifting in, Charlie watched his wife and child sleep. He knew Sonia loved him, loved Max - but he wondered if he could keep her happy.



Thinking back to when Hazel had asked him if he could handle Sonia, he sighed. Maybe Hazel had been right - Sonia wasn't meant to be handled. She was meant to be admired as she ran free, without any ties but love. If that were true however, what was poor little Max?



A/N: Sorry for the wait everyone, school has been HECTIC.

Question: Thoughts on what is going to happen to our Maxxie?

Rose<3

Surviving in HarmonyWhere stories live. Discover now